Sport Daters: Enjoy Dating But Not Relationship Ready
by: Chris Feliciano
Published: May 14, 2015
In dating there are two types of singles. Some have purposely prepared themselves for someone by attending cooking classes, getting themselves into shape, traveling the world, and reading the latest top selling book. For some it’s a natural process of self-development and dating is more focused on eventually sharing their life with a special someone. It’s similar to someone being ready for the interview and the job, but not ready to build a career within the company. We now live in a society that’s addicted to three words: instant, convenience, and choices. Whether it’s browsing for your favorite show on your favorite streaming service or at home workout DVD, we want things easy. Unfortunately it is no different when it comes to dating. Some appear as the perfect candidate for the most eligible Bachelor of Bachelorette, but are missing the extra “it” factor that takes them into commitment and/or marriage. Commitment takes a certain grit and reality that may seem uncomfortable to some.
The exciting times of meeting your new date at a gala or charity event have now been replaced by nights of serving Pepto Bismol to your better half. The flirtatious eyes and sarcastic comments of the first date are now replaced with a laundry list via text messages. Nights of picking out your newest outfit will become nights of yanking on your favorite sweats and picking out a Red Box DVD. This is the reality of dating that becomes a relationship and for some this is a precious thought, while for some it feels like a prison term. It is mainly men that get a bad rap for thinking of dating as a sport, but women are just as guilty. The sport daters will disguise their intentions but are only equipped for the sprint and not the marathon. For these singles playing the game, it seems like it’s never game over.
The best way to tell if someone is indeed a sport dater or looking for something a bit more committed is their energy during the first 1-3 dates. Most are consistently flirty, charming, or full of creativity when they are first meeting someone but beware past the third date (approximately). If there is still a consistency of consideration and invested feelings, then they truly do care to see progress between BOTH of you and not just their own selfish needs. Keep in mind that the rush of dopamine is supposed to lower as both start to get use to each other and acknowledge that things are moving into more exclusive territory. It is completely fine if 4 hour conversations start turning into 15 minutes, again as long as there’s still mutual interest. If after a few dates it seems that the energy levels are extremely down and the flirtation has almost all but disappeared, it could be a warning sign. It could mean that this “show” can only be maintained for a certain amount of time and then the real person shows their face. When the show is over the real person is revealed as nothing more than an artificial person who is afraid to open up and fully express who they are.
The chase of attraction and validation wears off when things become too “complex”, but it is in these complexities that we grow as people. We don’t just grow as individuals but also as a united team that has earned the trust and comfort of each other. It is that comfort that should never be confused for boredom; relationships can and should still be dating. They can return to the eye contact during dinner that made them fall for each other or pretend they are “hooking up” when in reality they live with each other. Creativity, inspiration, and passion should never be forgotten during a relationship – take full advantage of trust you both have.
For those that are sport daters but duds at relationships, take a step back and listen to yourself in silence. Is the excuse of being picky really a sign that you fear success in a relationship? Do you fear time might be lost so why invest the energy and emotions? Maybe you are just addicted to the same options that run rampant in this society and apply it to your dating life. Both sides should stay aware of each other and themselves. You can easily trick yourself into seeking a relationship and become your own worst enemy, or better yet a sport dater can one day find love. Regardless of your approach when it comes to dating remember to stay positively genuine and most will take care of itself.