Monthly Archives: January 2016

magicfeeling

Have Singles Lost that “Magic Feeling”?

magicfeeling

Have Singles Lost that “Magic Feeling”?

written by: Ellen Curnow/Scenergy Dating Blog Contributor

Blondie sang, “Here come’s the 21st Century, it’s gonna be much better for a girl like me”. But was she right? Especially when it comes to the world of dating?

Single life, and the search for love, have changed dramatically since Debbie Harry pranced around the stage singing, “I want that man!” Has the magic gone out of dating? Does that first dinner feel more like a job interview? Do you still get butterflies in the stomach?

Let’s explore the face of dating in the age of Tinder, texting and Facebook.

NOW AND THEN: HAS DATING REALLY CHANGED THAT MUCH?
On the surface, the answer is YES. For anyone re-entering singledom after a few years coupled up, the scene seems to have changed dramatically. Mobile apps let you locate and chat to any singles within a mile of you. Pages of duck-faced selfies give false impressions. You know a person’s height, weight, hair color, occupation, salary and hobbies without having to engage in conversation.You can send a series of abbreviated (and essentially meaningless) texts to find out if someone’s on the same page. The magic of meeting someone at a friend’s party and building up the courage to ask them out on a date is gone. Romance appears to be dead.

But, underneath all that, dating today is still the same as it was 20 or 30 years ago. You’re still looking for someone to connect with. For that magic spark. You still want to fall in love.

TOO MANY OPTIONS?
Does this scenario sound familiar? You’ve had an unsuccessful date. For whatever reason there was just no spark. Before you even make it to the car park, you’re texting the next option or scrolling Tinder to see who’s new.

In days gone by, it was actually quite hard to meet people, now it seems there are too many options. There’s a danger in this: you’re always wondering if the other people you’re chatting with are a better option than the one sitting in front of you. You can’t remember what you said to whom. The temptation to “keep your options open” ruins any chance of making a meaningful connection.

Don’t be overwhelmed by the plethora of choice that technology seems to offer you. And remember to be a decent human being. Take it slow. Date one person at a time. This is supposed to be fun!

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY (AND THE ONE YOU JUST CAN’T SHAKE!):
Dating is fraught with disappointment. You meet someone and think they might just be the one. Unfortunately, they don’t feel the same about you. This might happen more often these days because the world of dating is much faster and because there are more options, but it’s pretty much always been that way. It’s all part of the adventure. Embrace it.

Or, there’s the opposite scenario:
So you’ve been on a couple of dates and you realize you’re not really into this person. In the past, you might have told them so and parted ways. Now, you’re Facebook friends, they’ve got your cell phone number and can reach you wherever you are, they can see when you’re on Tinder. In the world of technological dating, it can be really hard to shake that unsuccessful date.

Just a side note: if you can’t resist the temptation to text, call or Facebook stalk the “one that got away”, then YOU’RE the one that THEY just can’t shake.

Do yourself a favor: delete that number!

WHAT HAPPENED TO MYSTERY?
Okay, I’m not such a prude as to suggest you have to wait for marriage before you do the deed.
But… isn’t there something to be said for a little mystery?

With modern technology it’s likely that, before you’ve even met, you’ve already seen more of each other than couples of the past would have glimpsed before their wedding night!

If dating in the 21st century really has lost it’s magic then this has to be one of the biggest reasons why. That magic, that feeling of butterflies in the stomach came out of the mystery and anticipation of getting to know the other person. Don’t let go of that too quickly, there’s no rush.

HAVE ROMANTIC MOVIES RUINED US FOR DATING?
Boy meets girl. A series of comical misunderstandings. An eventual declaration of everlasting love. And finally, wedding bells.

We’re practically fed this crap with our Mothers’ milk. From old fashioned fairy tales like Cinderella, to Disney classics like Beauty and the Beast, to Jane Austen, to romantic comedies on Netflix. We’re raised with the ideals of “one true love” and “happily ever after”. But do these books and movies set us up with unrealistic expectations and the certainty of disappointment? Particularly on the modern dating scene?

If you’re going on a date wondering what song you’ll have at your wedding or what to name your children, you’re doing it wrong. If you’ve got a Tinder or internet dating profile that goes something like, “My ideal partner is tall, good looking, healthy, wealthy, fit, organized, motivated, relaxed, funny…etc, etc, etc,” you’re also doing it wrong. And here’s why: you’re looking for some sort of movie star ideal and not a real person. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

While you were waiting to meet your one true love and for your life to magically transform into some sort of Disney movie, you missed out on getting to know (and maybe to love?) a real person. Drop the cookie cutter ideal and be genuine and open: see your date as a unique individual.

SUMMARY: DATING IN THE 21ST CENTURY – LET’S NOT LOSE THE MAGIC!
So, to finish off, I’d like to propose 5 simple rules for keeping the magic alive on the single scene in 2016.

1. Date one person at a time: be yourself, get to know them and enjoy their company (preferably in person and not through text). Don’t expect Prince (or Princess!) Charming and a ride off into the sunset. But don’t write people off at first glance either. We all have hidden depths.
2. Chivalry is not dead: you can be a lot more creative and romantic than Netflix and the sofa!
3. Get to know the person BEFORE you jump in the sack! Keep the mystery alive!
4. Suggestive (or downright nude!) photos are never a good idea when you’re looking for love.
5. Do not “Drink and Dial”. If you’re heading out on the town, write all potential soulmate’s numbers down in a notebook, hide it and delete their digits from your phone. There’s nothing worse than a sloppy declaration of love at 2 am. Not to mention the horror of waking up to find you booty called the wrong person.

Don’t give up hope. Single life needn’t be a technological and emotional minefield. Romantic love is just as possible as it was in any other generation . Boy can still meet girl. All you need to do is keep it real.

selfies

A Gazillion Of Fitness Selfies – Does It Work For or Against You?

selfies

David Sharpe/Scenergy Dating Contributor

January 16, 2016

A Gazillion Of Fitness Selfies – Does It Work For or Against You?

 

It’s 2016, and we’re no doubt neck-deep in the culture of social media. With popular platforms such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram teaming with hundreds of millions of active subscribers, it doesn’t come as a surprise that nowadays people live, eat, work and dress for their social media image. The obsession has grown and spread tentative roots in the deepest recesses of humanity to the extent that nowadays we consciously and sub-consciously invest a lot of time and money in our social media presence. Heck, some of even workout solely and specifically to carve out those photogenic rock-hard abs that look good through Instagram filters.

Speaking of which, fitness selfies are the next hottest thing on most photography-based social media platforms just right after #duckface and #goofy selfies. Log on to Instagram any minute of the day and you’re likely to be bombarded by a multitude of otherwise gorgeous men and women clutching their iPhones in fluorescent-lit gym rooms parading their hard-earned and sculpted muscles in exchange for likes and a few ( a bit exaggerated ) gushing comments. And if you’re ‘lucky’ or ‘attractive’ enough to have a steady social media following, your pics will be ‘shared’ far and wide across all the four corners of the Facebook universe. Interesting it is, but such is life as the first quarter of the 21st Century slowly ebbs away.

But if you choose to look keenly at it, you can unearth a few interesting observation/explanations behind this rising trend. For starters, it seems as if the age-old battle of the sexes has taken a new front. Since time immemorial, men -and the male species at large – have had to fight it out among themselves to win or increase their chances of winning the few receptive females in any population. Nowadays, men no longer to converge at the village squares to wrestle for the fairest beauty in town. Rather, the battle for supremacy and male dominance has taken to social media, more specifically Instagram and Facebook. And what’s a better way of outshining your peers than by painting a glossy picture of a healthy, athletic and virile man. It’s all about social currency. The more you have it, the better your ego is massaged.

The script doesn’t read when it comes to fairer sex. Nowadays curves and flat tummies are endowed as much as they are worshipped. More and more women are recognizing the social benefit of hitting the gym and heading straight to the dumbbells and squats section and not just whirling time away on the treadmill. And what do they do just before hitting the gym showers? Take a selfie when all sweaty and ‘worked out’. Most of this end up garnering a ton of ‘likes’ from keen admirers and stalkers alike.

Well, as much as this #fitnessSelfie thing has encouraged a couple of average movers to up their weight-training game ( because let’s face it, very few people will go to the gym and not carry their Instagram handles with them ), it has its own unique set of pros and cons; particularly when it comes to dating.

For starters, here are are a couple of stinging jabs for the guys;

1. The Average Woman Considers a ‘Too Athletic’ Build a Relationship Deal breaker.

While it’s attractive to physically fit – in fact, nothing turns a woman on like a well-chiseled physique – the average woman cringes and retracts back to her shell at the sight of a very sinewy muscled man. If anything, according to a recent study¬†[http://psp.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/10/07/0146167215609064.full ] a staggering 70% of American women between 24 and 32 found consider ‘too athletic’ men as less attractive and appealing than their average build counterparts.

In other words, this implies that as much as women are impressed by a guy who regularly works out to maintain a clean, gluten-free frame, overdoing it works more against you than for you. So, gentlemen, your gym selfies are great, but you don’t need to empty your whole gallery on Instagram just make a point. Just like anything else in life, moderation is the spice that makes it worthwhile.

On the other hand, the story is the exact opposite when it comes to women. Men being visual creatures will appreciate a well-trimmed posterior any time of the day whether it is taken in the gym, in the shower or outdoors. Nonetheless, while a battalion of high-res fitness selfies could attract an array of admirers, who’s to say that it will hold their attention forever?

2. A Gazillion of Fitness Selfies Without Any Meaningful Context Paints You as a Self-Indulgent, Shallow Man

Yes, it might not be a no-brainer, but there’s really no denying that nothing puts off women like a guy who’s so obsessed with his physical looks, gym selfies aside. So you know you’ll have a problem attracting ladies if a good chunk of your photos features a shirtless you especially without any meaningful/inspiring captions to accompany them. [ http://www.techinsider.io/why-women-dont-like-gym-selfies-in-online-dating-2015-10 ]

3.Over-editing Your Gym Selfies Flags Narcissism and Self-Objectification

Your gym selfies might be cute, ( whether you’re a guy or lady ) but if you go ahead to make such a big deal out of them by heavily editing and applying shades of filters on them, you’re likely to come out more like a hopeless narcissist ( one who values their looks more than anything else ) than a confident man or woman in their own skin.

This observation is based on a 2014 research [http://mic.com/articles/107922/guys-with-selfies-on-their-online-dating-profiles-really-are-the-worst-science-confirms#.nh3c0VP9s ] that unearthed that men who post numerous selfies ( not necessarily gym ones ) were three times as likely to suffer from extreme psychopathy and narcissism than those who had none. And sadly, this type of high self-regard stinks more than it appeals. Hey, it’s a competitive world and anything that implies self-imposed pride doesn’t really augur well with most people.

Final Thoughts

While fitness selfies might bump up your chances of winning over that crush you’ve been trying to inbox on Facebook or Twitter, the hard truth is that the prospect of a meaningful relationship typically extends more a couple of 4 Mega Pixel shots. In any case, you well-trimmed body might be one of the qualities that he/she finds attractive in you, but a few years down the line, your gym photos will matter less than your ability to keep the romance burning.

The bottom line? Do it for fun, but don’t bank solely on it to keep a serious relationship going.

Online Dating vs Traditional Dating

In the right hand corner, pound for pound, the dating heavyweight champion of the world—- Traditional Dating! In the left hand corner, the up and coming, looking to become champion, online dating! HA! Not even close, but it gives you a vision none the less. Online dating vs traditional dating, what’s better? What’s easier? Which is best for me? Let’s get to the cold heart facts and truths about each.

First, while technology is certainly a thriving force for online dating, traditional dating has took advantage just as well. In fact, it allows our dating company to perform online to get men and women to meet face to face. In order to cover the pros and cons of each, I had to step back. I had to give way to the thought of possibly using online dating to find a partner. Not easy to do in my position but for the sake of this article, sure I will.

Online Dating And Dating Websites

There’s no shortage of online dating websites, they litter the internet like trolls. I know… easy on the online dating. Check. But in all seriousness, online dating is everywhere. The most sought after is online dating for millionaires. Sure, your typical gold diggers and cougar hunters prowling the database. Who wouldn’t want to marry a millionaire? CHECK PLEASE. Ok, enough with the jokes, point taken.

Online dating does have its advantages. You can meet others from the comfort of your home, from the privacy of your bedroom. Heck, there’s not much you have to go out for today anyway. You can pay the bills at home, shop from home, work from home, so who needs the world? I always felt that there’s a personality behind most that date online. In most cases, dating has been a bad experience for them. And I found out that this is a pretty big percentage.

Is it ok to date online? Sure. Do you have to be careful? Absolutely. Ever hear or watch Catfish? Wonder why it was called that? Truth be told, you do have to be careful. You have to be protective of your personal information and your heart. So for those of you that want to date online, here’s some tips;

  • Never give someone your personal information (social security card, bank cards, checking account, ect.)
  • Meet this person face to face before you get serious
  • Doesn’t hurt to Google and open Facebook.
  • Always be alert, be on your toes for anything suspicious
  • If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

 

Traditional Dating And Meeting Face To Face

No one enjoys a broken heart. No one enjoys being took advantage of or preyed upon. That is a life within online dating. I feel it’s ok to date online but it has to be brought to traditional dating. You should always meet that person face to face before getting serious. Never make any exceptions.

Now, traditional dating (in my opinion) is the way to go. For one, you can’t feel that chemistry between two people without being face to face. I didn’t meet my wife online, this was 14 years ago. Online dating was just a thought, very few websites and platforms back then. When I first met her, day one, I knew ladies and gentlemen. I knew she was the one. An incredible feeling it was, self-pride, utter joy. It was amazing.

I don’t think I would have felt that meeting her online. Scratch that, I know I wouldn’t. It was that instant chemistry, instant feeling of happiness, an emotion I hope all of you share and experience in your life. You deserve that.

Online Dating And Traditional Dating Can Work As One

This could be a serious route to take. If you meet someone online, request to meet face to face. If they refuse, I advise you to let them go. Don’t get to attached, trust me. There’s too many ways we can record one another, so there’s technology that makes connecting face to face possible. Again, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

If you’re struggling to meet the right person (the main reason singles choose online dating) consider talking to a matchmaker or date coach.

We all want to be loved and feel accepted. If you’re serious about online dating, be yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. In the end, it will always cause you trouble. Everyone is beautiful, you’re beautiful. Don’t ever forget that.

Boston Events For Singles 2016

Boston Singles Events

Boston Events For Singles 2016

Boston Singles Events Mark Success For Scenergy Dating

2015 was a big year for Scenergy Dating. Earlier in the year, we weren’t anywhere on the East Coast. Most of the cities we hosted singles events in was out West. That all changed last year as Scenergy Dating came to Boston. We are now official, hosting singles events in Boston thanks to our CEO Chris Feliciano. Boston quickly became one of the hottest dating event tickets on the market.

Boston Dating Events Never Disappoint

The first 6 events in Boston sold out completely, it showed we made the right move. Even the two events that didn’t sell out was big crowds. It marked the first time the company had successfully opened in a new city on the East coast. And thanks to Boston, we’re hoping to expand more out east, operate in more cities and reach a large audience.

Same Quality With Boston Charm

One of the greatest things that I loved about Boston is the hospitality. Boston has always been amazing. Our Boston dating group has already grew to over 1,000 members. You can find our Boston singles group at Meetup under the alias Boston Sophisticated Singles.

Local Quality Boston Singles

From the first event Scenergy Dating threw, support from local Boston men and women was great. In dating, you have to be open. And over the course of 2015, event after event brought more Boston singles out. And that’s what we want. We host singles events to give you the opportunity to meet local singles. Not just in Boston, but everywhere.

Boston Matchmaking

For those of you that have not seen success at one of our Boston singles events, Scenergy Dating also provides matchmaking services in Boston.  Learn more about our matchmaking. You can contact us by calling 1-877-41-CUPID or emailing chris@scenergy-dating.com

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