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“LOL Girls (and guys)”: Mundane Singles that Lack Conversation

If you have ever received simple 1-2 word responses to your in depth online conversations, then this video blog is for you. The “hi”, “hellos”, and “what’s up” are no longer enough to grab someone’s attention online. It is important to note that the video above applies to both men and women, yet men are normally the initiators.

Have you ever encountered a “LOL girl” or guy and how did you respond to them?

dating

Sport Daters: Enjoy Dating But Not Relationship Ready

Sport Daters:  Enjoy Dating But Not Relationship Ready

by: Chris Feliciano

Published: May 14, 2015

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In dating there are two types of singles. Some have purposely prepared themselves for someone by attending cooking classes, getting themselves into shape, traveling the world, and reading the latest top selling book. For some it’s a natural process of self-development and dating is more focused on eventually sharing their life with a special someone. It’s similar to someone being ready for the interview and the job, but not ready to build a career within the company. We now live in a society that’s addicted to three words: instant, convenience, and choices. Whether it’s browsing for your favorite show on your favorite streaming service or at home workout DVD, we want things easy. Unfortunately it is no different when it comes to dating. Some appear as the perfect candidate for the most eligible Bachelor of Bachelorette, but are missing the extra “it” factor that takes them into commitment and/or marriage. Commitment takes a certain grit and reality that may seem uncomfortable to some.

 

The exciting times of meeting your new date at a gala or charity event have now been replaced by nights of serving Pepto Bismol to your better half. The flirtatious eyes and sarcastic comments of the first date are now replaced with a laundry list via text messages. Nights of picking out your newest outfit will become nights of yanking on your favorite sweats and picking out a Red Box DVD.  This is the reality of dating that becomes a relationship and for some this is a precious thought, while for some it feels like a prison term.  It is mainly men that get a bad rap for thinking of dating as a sport, but women are just as guilty. The sport daters will disguise their intentions but are only equipped for the sprint and not the marathon. For these singles playing the game, it seems like it’s never game over.

 

The best way to tell if someone is indeed a sport dater or looking for something a bit more committed is their energy during the first 1-3 dates. Most are consistently flirty, charming, or full of creativity when they are first meeting someone but beware past the third date (approximately). If there is still a consistency of consideration and invested feelings, then they truly do care to see progress between BOTH of you and not just their own selfish needs. Keep in mind that the rush of dopamine is supposed to lower as both start to get use to each other and acknowledge that things are moving into more exclusive territory.  It is completely fine if 4 hour conversations start turning into 15 minutes, again as long as there’s still mutual interest. If after a few dates it seems that the energy levels are extremely down and the flirtation has almost all but disappeared, it could be a warning sign. It could mean that this “show” can only be maintained for a certain amount of time and then the real person shows their face. When the show is over the real person is revealed as nothing more than an artificial person who is afraid to open up and fully express who they are.

 

The chase of attraction and validation wears off when things become too “complex”, but it is in these complexities that we grow as people. We don’t just grow as individuals but also as a united team that has earned the trust and comfort of each other. It is that comfort that should never be confused for boredom; relationships can and should still be dating. They can return to the eye contact during dinner that made them fall for each other or pretend they are “hooking up” when in reality they live with each other.  Creativity, inspiration, and passion should never be forgotten during a relationship – take full advantage of trust you both have.

 

For those that are sport daters but duds at relationships, take a step back and listen to yourself in silence. Is the excuse of being picky really a sign that you fear success in a relationship? Do you fear time might be lost so why invest the energy and emotions? Maybe you are just addicted to the same options that run rampant in this society and apply it to your dating life. Both sides should stay aware of each other and themselves. You can easily trick yourself into seeking a relationship and become your own worst enemy, or better yet a sport dater can one day find love. Regardless of your approach when it comes to dating remember to stay positively genuine and most will take care of itself.

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Top 5 Reasons Dating is Like Fitness

Top 5 Reasons Dating is Like Fitness

by:  Chris Feliciano

Published:  March 30, 2015

 

  1. Cheat Meals/Wrong People – The cravings start creeping up after two weeks of heavy dieting and working out. It’s the same feeling of you being celibate for the past few months in inner-protest for chasing the wrong people, but you want a “cheat meal.” Suddenly you’re binging down Margaritas after not having any sugar or alcohol for a few weeks and you conclude the night with an uneducated yet fun member of the opposite sex. Just like food you tried to fight it off with a bit of self-discipline inevitably had your dating version of pizza. You’re only cheating yourself with that “meal” be it fitness or dating.
  2. Changes Take Time – If you’re working on burning the rest of the fat in time for summer – it takes time. You must understand that your body takes time to evolve into a six pack, bicep bulging, and toned selfie taking machine. Those same changes also affect the dating world as you realize your current state of being and where you want to be when it comes to being socially prepared to date the quality you seek. There is a theory of “overload and adapt” in the fitness world, which in dating means a newly single person should slowly but surely get back into the scene until they are comfortable with it. Once they are comfortable with themselves, they can challenge themselves to new heights by attending singles events or going after some quality admirers. Doing it the wrong way compares to jumping into a fitness contest with only a few weeks of training, again take your time.

…and now time for an interlude

 

jesuslifter

 

 

  1. Lifting/Dating Too Heavy – Swiping on your Tinder app for hours or going on endless nights binging at the local Happy Hour is comparable to grabbing the wrong weight at the gym or running more miles than you should. You may hurt yourself and it will end up making you take time off, time off from the gym or dating leads to missed opportunities. I often discuss what I call with clients a condition I call “dating fatigue” for those that are fed up and take a hiatus due too being burned out of the endless dates and apps they have to react to.
  2. Sex Driven – Nowadays dating is so much like a workout in that similar brain chemicals are released. Some treat it like a chore to put on clothes and meet someone for dinner, as they are about getting into gym clothes for a quick workout. The payoff of making the effort to workout or on a date include the release of serotonin, testosterone, dopamine, and other excitement chemicals which can lead to libido. It’s a similar effect to two people “hitting it off” and having dating chemistry which in turn can lead to libido. There’s no wonder you see so many half clothed gym selfies with hashtags such as #teamripped #summerbodiesmadeinwinter. Fitness and dating is the mastery of sex transmutation (if you’ve read enough Napoleon Hill you’ll know this last reference).
  3. Journey Not Destination – How many couples have you seen let themselves go after they’ve established that they’re in a relationship and/or married? It’s the same concept as couples who no longer date and are relegated to Netflix marathons on the couch and walking the dog. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you end the dating process, continue to excite your relationship with different activities and interests. Just because you’ve reached your target weight doesn’t mean you stop working out, you continue to challenge your body and go beyond the horizon. It’s great for your body’s as well as your relationship’s health!

 

I’d love to hear below on other reasons 6, 7, and 8 on how dating is related to fitness. Alternatively, comment with ways you see dating as NOT related to fitness. I hope you continue to make “gains” in the dating world, no supplements needed.

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Why Good Men Have Stopped Chasing

Why Good Men Have Stopped Chasing

by:  Chris Feliciano

Published:  February 27, 2015

 

Let’s face it – we live in a society that thrives on attention. Whether it’s the three breasted woman, outrageous reality TV shows, and narcissistic selfies – we yearn for our viral 15 minutes of fame. Because of the age we now live in, don’t expect the thrill of the chase in the dating world to go away. It is a practice that requires attention to either be given, received, or a bit of both. What has gone away, or I should say better defined is who’s still chasing the most. The methods and pickup lines remain the same, but the quality of men that approach a woman is being redefined. Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you know that men have traditionally initiated the chase. Since the times of knights and virgin princesses, it has been the man seeking approval of his fair maiden and not the other way around.

 

While women are becoming much more independent and are at times exceeding the salary of their male counterparts, good men are becoming independent in their own way. They are beginning to take notice that women treat them as the fourth victim after women have suffered through three bad chases. So what’s the bad chase? It’s that moment when the woman first meets what she thinks is a gentleman and the initial butterflies and sexual tension is developed. After a few dates, she mistakenly takes the wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing as THE guy and may satisfy his needs too quickly. The bad guy has reached his goal and without consideration he starts his moonwalk and back to being a Smooth Criminal to look for his next victim. What ironically happens next defies all logic but if dating were simple logic we’d all be taken…

 

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The woman is now frustrated with men and feels she betrayed her own beliefs and restraints. For some they return to a selfie with the caption of “I am worthy #teamsingle”, increase their yoga sessions, or down sangria faster than a thirsty vampire at a blood donation center. In all seriousness this phase can have damaging effects on a woman’s perception on dating and men altogether. This drug of chase, excitement, let down, heal, and doing it all over again seems absurd. You know the old cliché about insanity as doing something over and over and expecting a different result – but hey it’s exciting.

 

Meanwhile the good guy is smarter than you know. He understands that no matter what the resume looks like on the woman he’s interested in, he can quickly pick up on signs that a woman enjoys being chased. He has evolved from the hunter mindlessly chasing for the kill, to the farmer that carefully plucks the good crops from the bad ones. A man of that caliber has no time for trivial games. He seeks a woman who truly has snapped from the cycle and is truly independent – emotionally, financially, and in other ways. A good guy is not to be confused for a boring guy. These men are capable of being just as exciting as those that thrive on the chase, but are offer an even deeper connection. What makes it difficult is that in an age of combo meals, Netflix, and Amazon dating is sometimes treated as a drive thru order – come and go as you please.

patience

 

Patience is the best advice for all involved. For women that enjoy the thrill of the chase, wait out for a good guy without overly restraining who you really are. For the bad guys who have the potential to be good men, take some time to treat her as a person to discover and not manipulate. For the good men that can identify when a woman is chase addicted, communicate your concerns in an honest and respectful way. Next time that someone says “Where’s all the good ones at”, make sure you’re not the cause for attracting or creating the wrong ones.

 

So what do you think ladies, do more of the wrong type of men or right ones come chasing? Men, do ladies assume you’re just like all of them when in reality you have plenty to offer? We’d love to read your thoughts and opinions.

 

 

My next blog will be about bad boys and the women that love them. If you have stories or viewpoints that we can use for our next blog or any upcoming articles please feel free to reach out to me. I also take pride in my efforts to build a better singles community, if you’re interested in private date coaching I’d be happy to help. Just contact me at chris@scenergy-dating.com and we can schedule a no-obligation appointment so I can tell you more about our services.

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Dating in 1995 vs 2015: How 20 Years Have Changed the Game

Dating 2015 vs Dating 1995

by:  Chris Feliciano

Published:  February 9, 2015

Just give me 30 minutes honey, just need to load their page.

Just give me 30 minutes honey, just need to load their page.

 

Let’s take a trip down memory lane with this hilarious yet ironically true account of dating 20 years ago versus now. Maybe in your fantasies of neon fanny packs and Alanis Morissette songs you can find commonality with these stories. If you’re too young to remember 1995, then enjoy a yesteryear of improved social interactions in the dating game.

 

1995

John, 26 year old engineer, would go into a local Irish bar where he would lock eyes with a gorgeous yet shy redhead. The discussion that becomes an excuse for a first date is centered around the local Smashing Pumpkins cover band playing on stage. They eventually start a relationship and enjoy their weekly “marathon” of watching Friends.

 

2015

John, 26 year old engineer, takes a moment to post on Facebook that he is about to enter an Irish Bar. While tagging his friends, he misses out on the gorgeous redhead who’s too busy on her phone researching live bands. They both go home alone without ever knowing they live in the same apartment complex, all while binging on old episodes of Friends on Netflix.

 

Quasi urban hipsters before the word existed.

Quasi urban hipsters before the word existed.

1995

Lisa, 40 year old financial advisor, enters a happening coffee shop called Starbucks to pick up a new popular drink called a Frapuccino. She sees a polished gentleman reading a newspaper and greets him by making a comment based on the article facing her. The gentleman lowers the newspaper to reveal a wickedly charming smile and introduces himself. They later go on to become regulars at a nearby Starbucks where they discuss random things like the potential of a new actress named Angelina Jolie and Windows 95.

 

2015

Lisa, 40 year old wealth manager, enters a Starbucks and without hesitation goes over her detailed order with the barista. She quickly sits down and starts checking her work emails, text messages, Facebook notifications, and tweets. A good looking gentleman is reading a book off his tablet and continuously switches his attention between his tablet and trying to catch Lisa’s attention. After several attempts, he continues reading his book as Lisa storms off with her medium hot, light on whip cream, and custom espresso shot drink – never having a chance to have met her secret admirer.

 

1995

A group of gentlemen pass by a class of ladies during a Tae Bo class at the local gym, the most socially awkward of the group catches the attention of the female instructor. He comments, “Wow she’s like a hot Xena Warrior Princess”, and patiently waits for the class to end. The fitness instructor turns the corner and is immediately intercepted by the lanky yet confident gentleman who asks for her AOL screen name. She obliges and goes on to let him know which chat rooms she frequents. He smiles, licks his braces, and givers her an overly enthusiastic hand shake before jogging away to catch up with friends.

 

2015

A group of gentlemen pass by a class of ladies during a Zumba class at their local Crossfit hybrid studio. The geek of the group catches the attention of the instructor as he comments, “Wow she’s like Shakira with neon tassels.” The gentleman awkwardly stands inside the Zumba class until it is complete. He approaches the instructor and asks his smartphone, “How do I ask out a Zumba instructor” and his smartphone replies “I don’t understand your question.” The Latina instructor nods her head in laughter and introduces herself. He swings his hand around to shake hers and they walk each other out of the studio. Two weeks after that fateful night they are regularly seen walking the boardwalk together, one hand holding hers while the other is translating Spanish on his mobile Rosetta Stone.

"Hey you check out that Brad Pitt guy in that one vamp movie...kinda cute!"

“Hey you check out that Brad Pitt guy in that one vamp movie…kinda cute!”

Accurate, unfair, or bias?  Let us know what you think below and if not then tell us your favorite memory of 1995.

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“Naked Guy Pic” – 5 Observations & Random Thoughts

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Yes you might think, “Wow that is a tasteless photo” well it definitely is – and it’s very real. The photo included in this blog inspired the writings below, after it was reported by one of our own clients in Boston. For some reason, this photo became the “gentlemen’s” profile photo on a meetup.com group. I can just imagine his mindset as he stood in front of that mirror one fateful evening and proceeded to take a few photos until he decided which one was the weiner out of all of them. Then he uploads the photo on to his computer and starts to mess with some default blue Powerpoint shapes to expertly cover up his face and “Mr. Russel the Oned Eyed Muscle”.

Have us men lost our complete sanity? What has convinced us that a quality woman will magically swoon and feel chemistry based on a picture like this?

5 Observations & Random Thoughts:

1. Men are naturally the hunters which makes them much more assertive and forthright with their sexual desires. Women on the other hand desire a more emotional and invested approach, so it takes time and self-discipline.

2. A woman needs to feel that there is some sort of exclusivity or at least the feeling of before expressing themselves in a sexual manner. Though it’s never proven, it is more likely that a woman that’s much more polished compared to her counterparts will take longer to express her sexual side. The sad assumption is men assume she will be a bore when things become finally become intimate. They don’t wait around and get back to their naked selfie ways.

3. There was at least one woman that accepted and encouraged him to send that photo, he now has accepted that as the law of the land in his “dating paradigm” (I’ll discuss dating paradigm in a members only video). He may not have the patience or energy to earn a good woman by his side, thus that type of photo becomes his profile.

4. Honestly should not always be rewarded. He may think to himself, “Well at least I’m letting women know what my intentions are” is not always a justification. Men should call other men out in the name of brotherhood and women should call these type of men out just for their own self-improvement. Us humans have a way of allowing ego and distorted reality to convince us we are doing the right thing when it comes to dating – that’s where a DateDoc comes in ; )

5. A bit related to #1 and #2 but it’s hard to believe someone can bounce back and talk about metaphysics, life goals, and their interpretation of zodiac sign compatibility when they lead with a “won’t break the internet” photo. Adding a bit of caliber and respect to your repertoire will make you a more valued man.

So what are your thoughts, do women secretly enjoy these type of photos or could do without being bombarded by R rated from the get go? Men, are you guilty of sending a naked photo a bit quicker than you should have?

Heck who knows, I guess if animals could text they would send photos of them wearing clothes during mating season.

 

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…now my eyes don’t feel as cursed anymore!

 

Until next time,

Chris “DateDoc” Feliciano

www.scenergy-dating.com