Category Archives: Blog

magicfeeling

Have Singles Lost that “Magic Feeling”?

magicfeeling

Have Singles Lost that “Magic Feeling”?

written by: Ellen Curnow/Scenergy Dating Blog Contributor

Blondie sang, “Here come’s the 21st Century, it’s gonna be much better for a girl like me”. But was she right? Especially when it comes to the world of dating?

Single life, and the search for love, have changed dramatically since Debbie Harry pranced around the stage singing, “I want that man!” Has the magic gone out of dating? Does that first dinner feel more like a job interview? Do you still get butterflies in the stomach?

Let’s explore the face of dating in the age of Tinder, texting and Facebook.

NOW AND THEN: HAS DATING REALLY CHANGED THAT MUCH?
On the surface, the answer is YES. For anyone re-entering singledom after a few years coupled up, the scene seems to have changed dramatically. Mobile apps let you locate and chat to any singles within a mile of you. Pages of duck-faced selfies give false impressions. You know a person’s height, weight, hair color, occupation, salary and hobbies without having to engage in conversation.You can send a series of abbreviated (and essentially meaningless) texts to find out if someone’s on the same page. The magic of meeting someone at a friend’s party and building up the courage to ask them out on a date is gone. Romance appears to be dead.

But, underneath all that, dating today is still the same as it was 20 or 30 years ago. You’re still looking for someone to connect with. For that magic spark. You still want to fall in love.

TOO MANY OPTIONS?
Does this scenario sound familiar? You’ve had an unsuccessful date. For whatever reason there was just no spark. Before you even make it to the car park, you’re texting the next option or scrolling Tinder to see who’s new.

In days gone by, it was actually quite hard to meet people, now it seems there are too many options. There’s a danger in this: you’re always wondering if the other people you’re chatting with are a better option than the one sitting in front of you. You can’t remember what you said to whom. The temptation to “keep your options open” ruins any chance of making a meaningful connection.

Don’t be overwhelmed by the plethora of choice that technology seems to offer you. And remember to be a decent human being. Take it slow. Date one person at a time. This is supposed to be fun!

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY (AND THE ONE YOU JUST CAN’T SHAKE!):
Dating is fraught with disappointment. You meet someone and think they might just be the one. Unfortunately, they don’t feel the same about you. This might happen more often these days because the world of dating is much faster and because there are more options, but it’s pretty much always been that way. It’s all part of the adventure. Embrace it.

Or, there’s the opposite scenario:
So you’ve been on a couple of dates and you realize you’re not really into this person. In the past, you might have told them so and parted ways. Now, you’re Facebook friends, they’ve got your cell phone number and can reach you wherever you are, they can see when you’re on Tinder. In the world of technological dating, it can be really hard to shake that unsuccessful date.

Just a side note: if you can’t resist the temptation to text, call or Facebook stalk the “one that got away”, then YOU’RE the one that THEY just can’t shake.

Do yourself a favor: delete that number!

WHAT HAPPENED TO MYSTERY?
Okay, I’m not such a prude as to suggest you have to wait for marriage before you do the deed.
But… isn’t there something to be said for a little mystery?

With modern technology it’s likely that, before you’ve even met, you’ve already seen more of each other than couples of the past would have glimpsed before their wedding night!

If dating in the 21st century really has lost it’s magic then this has to be one of the biggest reasons why. That magic, that feeling of butterflies in the stomach came out of the mystery and anticipation of getting to know the other person. Don’t let go of that too quickly, there’s no rush.

HAVE ROMANTIC MOVIES RUINED US FOR DATING?
Boy meets girl. A series of comical misunderstandings. An eventual declaration of everlasting love. And finally, wedding bells.

We’re practically fed this crap with our Mothers’ milk. From old fashioned fairy tales like Cinderella, to Disney classics like Beauty and the Beast, to Jane Austen, to romantic comedies on Netflix. We’re raised with the ideals of “one true love” and “happily ever after”. But do these books and movies set us up with unrealistic expectations and the certainty of disappointment? Particularly on the modern dating scene?

If you’re going on a date wondering what song you’ll have at your wedding or what to name your children, you’re doing it wrong. If you’ve got a Tinder or internet dating profile that goes something like, “My ideal partner is tall, good looking, healthy, wealthy, fit, organized, motivated, relaxed, funny…etc, etc, etc,” you’re also doing it wrong. And here’s why: you’re looking for some sort of movie star ideal and not a real person. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

While you were waiting to meet your one true love and for your life to magically transform into some sort of Disney movie, you missed out on getting to know (and maybe to love?) a real person. Drop the cookie cutter ideal and be genuine and open: see your date as a unique individual.

SUMMARY: DATING IN THE 21ST CENTURY – LET’S NOT LOSE THE MAGIC!
So, to finish off, I’d like to propose 5 simple rules for keeping the magic alive on the single scene in 2016.

1. Date one person at a time: be yourself, get to know them and enjoy their company (preferably in person and not through text). Don’t expect Prince (or Princess!) Charming and a ride off into the sunset. But don’t write people off at first glance either. We all have hidden depths.
2. Chivalry is not dead: you can be a lot more creative and romantic than Netflix and the sofa!
3. Get to know the person BEFORE you jump in the sack! Keep the mystery alive!
4. Suggestive (or downright nude!) photos are never a good idea when you’re looking for love.
5. Do not “Drink and Dial”. If you’re heading out on the town, write all potential soulmate’s numbers down in a notebook, hide it and delete their digits from your phone. There’s nothing worse than a sloppy declaration of love at 2 am. Not to mention the horror of waking up to find you booty called the wrong person.

Don’t give up hope. Single life needn’t be a technological and emotional minefield. Romantic love is just as possible as it was in any other generation . Boy can still meet girl. All you need to do is keep it real.

selfies

A Gazillion Of Fitness Selfies – Does It Work For or Against You?

selfies

David Sharpe/Scenergy Dating Contributor

January 16, 2016

A Gazillion Of Fitness Selfies – Does It Work For or Against You?

 

It’s 2016, and we’re no doubt neck-deep in the culture of social media. With popular platforms such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram teaming with hundreds of millions of active subscribers, it doesn’t come as a surprise that nowadays people live, eat, work and dress for their social media image. The obsession has grown and spread tentative roots in the deepest recesses of humanity to the extent that nowadays we consciously and sub-consciously invest a lot of time and money in our social media presence. Heck, some of even workout solely and specifically to carve out those photogenic rock-hard abs that look good through Instagram filters.

Speaking of which, fitness selfies are the next hottest thing on most photography-based social media platforms just right after #duckface and #goofy selfies. Log on to Instagram any minute of the day and you’re likely to be bombarded by a multitude of otherwise gorgeous men and women clutching their iPhones in fluorescent-lit gym rooms parading their hard-earned and sculpted muscles in exchange for likes and a few ( a bit exaggerated ) gushing comments. And if you’re ‘lucky’ or ‘attractive’ enough to have a steady social media following, your pics will be ‘shared’ far and wide across all the four corners of the Facebook universe. Interesting it is, but such is life as the first quarter of the 21st Century slowly ebbs away.

But if you choose to look keenly at it, you can unearth a few interesting observation/explanations behind this rising trend. For starters, it seems as if the age-old battle of the sexes has taken a new front. Since time immemorial, men -and the male species at large – have had to fight it out among themselves to win or increase their chances of winning the few receptive females in any population. Nowadays, men no longer to converge at the village squares to wrestle for the fairest beauty in town. Rather, the battle for supremacy and male dominance has taken to social media, more specifically Instagram and Facebook. And what’s a better way of outshining your peers than by painting a glossy picture of a healthy, athletic and virile man. It’s all about social currency. The more you have it, the better your ego is massaged.

The script doesn’t read when it comes to fairer sex. Nowadays curves and flat tummies are endowed as much as they are worshipped. More and more women are recognizing the social benefit of hitting the gym and heading straight to the dumbbells and squats section and not just whirling time away on the treadmill. And what do they do just before hitting the gym showers? Take a selfie when all sweaty and ‘worked out’. Most of this end up garnering a ton of ‘likes’ from keen admirers and stalkers alike.

Well, as much as this #fitnessSelfie thing has encouraged a couple of average movers to up their weight-training game ( because let’s face it, very few people will go to the gym and not carry their Instagram handles with them ), it has its own unique set of pros and cons; particularly when it comes to dating.

For starters, here are are a couple of stinging jabs for the guys;

1. The Average Woman Considers a ‘Too Athletic’ Build a Relationship Deal breaker.

While it’s attractive to physically fit – in fact, nothing turns a woman on like a well-chiseled physique – the average woman cringes and retracts back to her shell at the sight of a very sinewy muscled man. If anything, according to a recent study [http://psp.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/10/07/0146167215609064.full ] a staggering 70% of American women between 24 and 32 found consider ‘too athletic’ men as less attractive and appealing than their average build counterparts.

In other words, this implies that as much as women are impressed by a guy who regularly works out to maintain a clean, gluten-free frame, overdoing it works more against you than for you. So, gentlemen, your gym selfies are great, but you don’t need to empty your whole gallery on Instagram just make a point. Just like anything else in life, moderation is the spice that makes it worthwhile.

On the other hand, the story is the exact opposite when it comes to women. Men being visual creatures will appreciate a well-trimmed posterior any time of the day whether it is taken in the gym, in the shower or outdoors. Nonetheless, while a battalion of high-res fitness selfies could attract an array of admirers, who’s to say that it will hold their attention forever?

2. A Gazillion of Fitness Selfies Without Any Meaningful Context Paints You as a Self-Indulgent, Shallow Man

Yes, it might not be a no-brainer, but there’s really no denying that nothing puts off women like a guy who’s so obsessed with his physical looks, gym selfies aside. So you know you’ll have a problem attracting ladies if a good chunk of your photos features a shirtless you especially without any meaningful/inspiring captions to accompany them. [ http://www.techinsider.io/why-women-dont-like-gym-selfies-in-online-dating-2015-10 ]

3.Over-editing Your Gym Selfies Flags Narcissism and Self-Objectification

Your gym selfies might be cute, ( whether you’re a guy or lady ) but if you go ahead to make such a big deal out of them by heavily editing and applying shades of filters on them, you’re likely to come out more like a hopeless narcissist ( one who values their looks more than anything else ) than a confident man or woman in their own skin.

This observation is based on a 2014 research [http://mic.com/articles/107922/guys-with-selfies-on-their-online-dating-profiles-really-are-the-worst-science-confirms#.nh3c0VP9s ] that unearthed that men who post numerous selfies ( not necessarily gym ones ) were three times as likely to suffer from extreme psychopathy and narcissism than those who had none. And sadly, this type of high self-regard stinks more than it appeals. Hey, it’s a competitive world and anything that implies self-imposed pride doesn’t really augur well with most people.

Final Thoughts

While fitness selfies might bump up your chances of winning over that crush you’ve been trying to inbox on Facebook or Twitter, the hard truth is that the prospect of a meaningful relationship typically extends more a couple of 4 Mega Pixel shots. In any case, you well-trimmed body might be one of the qualities that he/she finds attractive in you, but a few years down the line, your gym photos will matter less than your ability to keep the romance burning.

The bottom line? Do it for fun, but don’t bank solely on it to keep a serious relationship going.

Couple Image

Dating in 20 Years: The Lasting Impact of Mobile Technology

Dating in 20 Years: The Lasting Impact of Mobile Technology

Anyone who’s ever played the dating game can tell you that finding the right partner will never be as simple as “Swipe Left to pass, Swipe Right to ‘like,” but the unprecedented success of the Tinder app has shown that for some people, it can be close enough. The app simplified dating in a way no other dating service ever had before: you’re given a list of users close to you – a virtual catalog, if you will – and you can try to sift through the list to find someone you’d want to date or hook up with, and hope that they feel the same way about you.

What used to be week-long waits of waiting for an online dating service to find matches for you and then communicating via messages on the website turned into a process that could potentially take all of three minutes. Of course, whether this is a good or a bad thing is still up for debate. It’s made the process that much faster and more convenient, but is that always a good thing – especially when it comes to trying to find a partner? Or are we just promoting an unhealthy relationship with our phones again?

When smartphones started becoming mainstream, surveys revealed that we had begun spending more time with our phones than with our partners, with the average smartphone user spending upwards of two hours a day just starting at their phone’s screen, and only spending 97 minutes a day with their significant other. That was two years ago, and everyone knows that the mobile industry has continued to evolve since then. We wouldn’t be surprised if we spend even more time on our phones now that they’ve virtually become the all-in-one tool for modern living.

Earlier this year, Chris Feliciano wrote about how 20 years have changed dating, discussing how our obsession with technology has made it difficult for us to connect, or meet new people in the ways we did before the internet became mainstream. Social media and mobile apps have changed the way we communicate and ask each other out, and it’s leaving a lasting impression on the dating industry.

With smartphones still being improved, there’s little doubt that they’ll stay relevant in our daily lives, and in a few years’ time, we might be completely dependent on them. How could the dating scene evolve with our smartphones? For one thing, communication pre-date and post-date will definitely continue to change. Surveys have revealed that as early as 2013, the pre-date and post-date texts had been important parts of the dating process, and many relied on this communication to see if the relationship would have a future at all.

Flirting via text messages and sexting may see a bigger role in the future as well. Earlier this year, surveys by Adam and Eve revealed that sexting is quickly becoming an important part of the dating process itself, with nearly 95% of the Americans who admit to sexting (sending sexually explicit photographs or messages via cell phone) saying they send sexual thoughts or ideas, 38% saying they send sexy selfies and 36% send explicit images, and nearly 20% saying they show their faces in their sexts. Sexting may very well turn out to be another necessary layer of post-date communication, and with the rise of apps like Tinder, sexts might be on the menu for pre-date texts as well.

And let’s admit it: mobile phones don’t just make us lazy, they make us more critical of others too. While sitting at a table on your first date, you’re likely to judge your potential partner based not just on their phone habits, but on their phones as well, and nobody could really blame you. These days, the way you handle your phone can speak a lot towards your personality, and some studies even claim a relationship between the kind of phone you have and the kind of partner you are. According to the Huffington Post, “Apparently, the device you carry speaks loudly (even when your ringer is on silent). An iPhone or Android isn’t just a tech choice, it can give dates insight into your personality and behaviors, too. The study found that Android users are the more polite eDaters–they’re more likely to pick up a date at home, pay for the first date, eat at a nice restaurant and send a post-date text.”

As we continue to rely on our mobile phones in our day-to-day lives, so too do we continue to rely on them for our dating lives, and within the next 20 years, we may see our phones becoming indispensable to the dating scene.

———–

dating

Sport Daters: Enjoy Dating But Not Relationship Ready

Sport Daters:  Enjoy Dating But Not Relationship Ready

by: Chris Feliciano

Published: May 14, 2015

dating

In dating there are two types of singles. Some have purposely prepared themselves for someone by attending cooking classes, getting themselves into shape, traveling the world, and reading the latest top selling book. For some it’s a natural process of self-development and dating is more focused on eventually sharing their life with a special someone. It’s similar to someone being ready for the interview and the job, but not ready to build a career within the company. We now live in a society that’s addicted to three words: instant, convenience, and choices. Whether it’s browsing for your favorite show on your favorite streaming service or at home workout DVD, we want things easy. Unfortunately it is no different when it comes to dating. Some appear as the perfect candidate for the most eligible Bachelor of Bachelorette, but are missing the extra “it” factor that takes them into commitment and/or marriage. Commitment takes a certain grit and reality that may seem uncomfortable to some.

 

The exciting times of meeting your new date at a gala or charity event have now been replaced by nights of serving Pepto Bismol to your better half. The flirtatious eyes and sarcastic comments of the first date are now replaced with a laundry list via text messages. Nights of picking out your newest outfit will become nights of yanking on your favorite sweats and picking out a Red Box DVD.  This is the reality of dating that becomes a relationship and for some this is a precious thought, while for some it feels like a prison term.  It is mainly men that get a bad rap for thinking of dating as a sport, but women are just as guilty. The sport daters will disguise their intentions but are only equipped for the sprint and not the marathon. For these singles playing the game, it seems like it’s never game over.

 

The best way to tell if someone is indeed a sport dater or looking for something a bit more committed is their energy during the first 1-3 dates. Most are consistently flirty, charming, or full of creativity when they are first meeting someone but beware past the third date (approximately). If there is still a consistency of consideration and invested feelings, then they truly do care to see progress between BOTH of you and not just their own selfish needs. Keep in mind that the rush of dopamine is supposed to lower as both start to get use to each other and acknowledge that things are moving into more exclusive territory.  It is completely fine if 4 hour conversations start turning into 15 minutes, again as long as there’s still mutual interest. If after a few dates it seems that the energy levels are extremely down and the flirtation has almost all but disappeared, it could be a warning sign. It could mean that this “show” can only be maintained for a certain amount of time and then the real person shows their face. When the show is over the real person is revealed as nothing more than an artificial person who is afraid to open up and fully express who they are.

 

The chase of attraction and validation wears off when things become too “complex”, but it is in these complexities that we grow as people. We don’t just grow as individuals but also as a united team that has earned the trust and comfort of each other. It is that comfort that should never be confused for boredom; relationships can and should still be dating. They can return to the eye contact during dinner that made them fall for each other or pretend they are “hooking up” when in reality they live with each other.  Creativity, inspiration, and passion should never be forgotten during a relationship – take full advantage of trust you both have.

 

For those that are sport daters but duds at relationships, take a step back and listen to yourself in silence. Is the excuse of being picky really a sign that you fear success in a relationship? Do you fear time might be lost so why invest the energy and emotions? Maybe you are just addicted to the same options that run rampant in this society and apply it to your dating life. Both sides should stay aware of each other and themselves. You can easily trick yourself into seeking a relationship and become your own worst enemy, or better yet a sport dater can one day find love. Regardless of your approach when it comes to dating remember to stay positively genuine and most will take care of itself.

yahoo

Dating in 1995 vs 2015: How 20 Years Have Changed the Game

Dating 2015 vs Dating 1995

by:  Chris Feliciano

Published:  February 9, 2015

Just give me 30 minutes honey, just need to load their page.

Just give me 30 minutes honey, just need to load their page.

 

Let’s take a trip down memory lane with this hilarious yet ironically true account of dating 20 years ago versus now. Maybe in your fantasies of neon fanny packs and Alanis Morissette songs you can find commonality with these stories. If you’re too young to remember 1995, then enjoy a yesteryear of improved social interactions in the dating game.

 

1995

John, 26 year old engineer, would go into a local Irish bar where he would lock eyes with a gorgeous yet shy redhead. The discussion that becomes an excuse for a first date is centered around the local Smashing Pumpkins cover band playing on stage. They eventually start a relationship and enjoy their weekly “marathon” of watching Friends.

 

2015

John, 26 year old engineer, takes a moment to post on Facebook that he is about to enter an Irish Bar. While tagging his friends, he misses out on the gorgeous redhead who’s too busy on her phone researching live bands. They both go home alone without ever knowing they live in the same apartment complex, all while binging on old episodes of Friends on Netflix.

 

Quasi urban hipsters before the word existed.

Quasi urban hipsters before the word existed.

1995

Lisa, 40 year old financial advisor, enters a happening coffee shop called Starbucks to pick up a new popular drink called a Frapuccino. She sees a polished gentleman reading a newspaper and greets him by making a comment based on the article facing her. The gentleman lowers the newspaper to reveal a wickedly charming smile and introduces himself. They later go on to become regulars at a nearby Starbucks where they discuss random things like the potential of a new actress named Angelina Jolie and Windows 95.

 

2015

Lisa, 40 year old wealth manager, enters a Starbucks and without hesitation goes over her detailed order with the barista. She quickly sits down and starts checking her work emails, text messages, Facebook notifications, and tweets. A good looking gentleman is reading a book off his tablet and continuously switches his attention between his tablet and trying to catch Lisa’s attention. After several attempts, he continues reading his book as Lisa storms off with her medium hot, light on whip cream, and custom espresso shot drink – never having a chance to have met her secret admirer.

 

1995

A group of gentlemen pass by a class of ladies during a Tae Bo class at the local gym, the most socially awkward of the group catches the attention of the female instructor. He comments, “Wow she’s like a hot Xena Warrior Princess”, and patiently waits for the class to end. The fitness instructor turns the corner and is immediately intercepted by the lanky yet confident gentleman who asks for her AOL screen name. She obliges and goes on to let him know which chat rooms she frequents. He smiles, licks his braces, and givers her an overly enthusiastic hand shake before jogging away to catch up with friends.

 

2015

A group of gentlemen pass by a class of ladies during a Zumba class at their local Crossfit hybrid studio. The geek of the group catches the attention of the instructor as he comments, “Wow she’s like Shakira with neon tassels.” The gentleman awkwardly stands inside the Zumba class until it is complete. He approaches the instructor and asks his smartphone, “How do I ask out a Zumba instructor” and his smartphone replies “I don’t understand your question.” The Latina instructor nods her head in laughter and introduces herself. He swings his hand around to shake hers and they walk each other out of the studio. Two weeks after that fateful night they are regularly seen walking the boardwalk together, one hand holding hers while the other is translating Spanish on his mobile Rosetta Stone.

"Hey you check out that Brad Pitt guy in that one vamp movie...kinda cute!"

“Hey you check out that Brad Pitt guy in that one vamp movie…kinda cute!”

Accurate, unfair, or bias?  Let us know what you think below and if not then tell us your favorite memory of 1995.