Category Archives: Dating Tips

fit

Top 7 Reasons To Be Fit In The Dating World

Top 7 Reasons To Be Fit In The Dating World

written by: Jay Kilith/Scenergy Dating Blog Contributor

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The 20-teens have thus far been the era of the unfit: we celebrate the Dad Bod, proudly declare ourselves to be couch potatoes, and the term ‘fat acceptance’ has turned into something resembling a civil rights movement. In today’s climate, it’s all too easy to grow content with eating massive portions of deep fried foods and opting for the escalator at every opportunity. So what if you’re winded after climbing two flights of stairs! You’re a Couch Potato! You’re physically lazy in the most endearing way. It’s the 21st century, and you have no reason to run a mile. Heck, you don’t have to compete in the Olympics to get a date.  It’s time to focus on being fit in the dating world.

Sure, we love to hear that it’s okay– even quirky or cute– to avoid physical activity, but we need a reality check. If improved health and a longer lifespan aren’t motivating enough for you (live hard, die young, eat Oreos!), you need to step back and have a look at all the ways that getting in shape will improve your love life. The following is a quick run-down of what you can expect from dating after you have made physical fitness a priority.

1) First, stop staring at physique competitors, grow up, and reassess your priorities.
If you struggle to carry your groceries in every day, yet you expect to develop the prodigious pectorals of Captain America by the year’s end, you’re out of your mind.

Even the most unfit of us take pleasure in watching fitness transformations. We see TV shows where people drop hundreds of pounds in a year, so we figure, “Hey, if that guy can lose half his body weight, I can become Tarzan in six months.” Wrong-o. If you’re only working out because you think you’ll have the buns of Wonder Woman in three months, you’re setting yourself up for lousy exercise plans and inevitable failure. Which brings me to…

2) Don’t focus on your appearance. Focus on your fitness.
It’s easy to get hung up on ‘improving’ your physique, but unless you plan on becoming a model, stripper, or bikini/physique competitor, you’re wasting your time. Resist the urge to use exercise only as a way to ‘look better’, because you’ll likely waste a lot of time without experiencing any real growth. Or, perhaps even worse: you’ll get the look you want, and then you’ll get comfortable and slack off.

When you pursue fitness for the sake of fitness, you’ll reap the benefits. Approach exercise with the idea of managing your stress levels, eliminating anxiety, improving your overall health, and chasing the elusive runner’s high. Fitness is a journey, not a destination. Strive to grow and improve.

3) Staying in shape shows that you are healthy and disciplined.
No one wants to date a lazy lump who is at risk of a stroke after walking uphill for five minutes. Being fit is one of the best ways to demonstrate your discipline, as well as your physical and psychological health. By working out regularly, you broadcast this message to all of your potential partners:

“I take care of myself! I make my health a priority! I have the discipline to do what needs to be done even if it isn’t easy! I don’t take shortcuts! I know how to make decisions and stick to them!”

Hot, right? Be that person.

4) You are competing for other people’s time, interest, and emotional investment, and getting fit will give you a leg up.
The dating world is one giant representation of the ice cream aisle at your local supermarket. The shelves are packed full of ice cream of every flavor, quirky name, chemical additive, and dairy milk alternative imaginable. With so many other buckets of ice cream– er, people– you have to put in quite a bit of work to prove that you deserve your potential partner’s time more than your competitors.

There are a zillion other people out there who like Netflix and modern art and get tired after walking two miles. If you really want to get their attention, be the person who likes Netflix and art and participates in triathlons. You will be vastly more interesting– and vastly more confident!

5) Sick of the same tired old bar, cafe, or coffee shop date? You have a built-in unique date idea, and it does not involve hooker heels.
If you’ve been to your local cafe on so many dates that the servers have started calling you by your first name, fitness will give you the perfect opportunity to mix things up. Instead of dragging your partner through another lousy cup of coffee, you can introduce them to your favorite form of fitness as a way to get to know them. If you’re a runner, you can take them on a leisurely trail run. If you like yoga, you can test out their sense of humor while you struggle through harder poses together. It’s fun, it’s casual, and it forbids torturous, stressful wardrobe choices. Getting sweaty together is a great icebreaker. They will remember you!

6) Make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
For most people, this isn’t too big of an issue, but if you’re prone to ‘going all in’, watch your obsession. Your fitness and nutritional plans will have an impact on your partner’s life, so it’s important to explain what your goals and expectations are from the beginning. If you’re going to follow a raw, vegan, gluten-free diet, they need to know that eating out is going to be a pain in the neck at times. If you’re going to disappear for hours on end to train for a marathon, they need to know your training schedule. Don’t expect your partner to try to squeeze their relationship into the cracks around your fitness routine.

And resist the urge to control your partner’s diet or exercise program! Your health and fitness are your own, and your partner is not obligated to participate in your activities. If it’s important enough that you expect them to accompany you for any fitness endeavor, you need to make that expressly clear. Communication is key.

And lastly…

7) Exercise is an exercise in ‘mutual motivation.’
We have long known that we are more likely to stay motivated when we have a partner in crime– we’re competitive, our partners hold us accountable, and we tend to mimic the people around us. By bringing fitness into your relationship, you will ensure that you and your partner continue to motivate each other and support one another’s growth. This has a ripple effect on your whole relationship, making for a strong, healthy, productive partnership.

Originally published on www.scenergy-dating.com.

ghosting

ATTENTION – 4 Questions to Consider Before “Ghosting”

ATTENTION SINGLES – Four Questions to Consider Before “Ghosting”

written by: Shay Lief/Scenergy Dating Blog Contributor

 

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With the advent of advanced technology, the world of modern romance is full of online dating and relationships maintained through texting, Facetime, phone calls, and social media rather than face-to-face time together. This shift in dating has opened the doors for a new method of ‘breaking up’ called ghosting. Ghosting is a term used to describe the new dating phenomenon when one of the participants in a relationship suddenly stops contacting the person they’ve been dating and refuses to respond to their calls, texts, social media messages, and other attempts the other person makes to get in touch with them. Many people practice ghosting because they believe it is easier or less traumatic than telling the person they are dating that they are not interested in seeing them anymore. However, before you ghost someone, it’s important to consider the following four questions.

Do you Care About your Reputation?

Ghosting someone you are dating can significantly impact your own personal reputation. The practice of ghosting is widely renowned as rude, disrespectful, inconsiderate, and discourteous. Before you ghost someone, think about whether those negative traits are the types of characteristics you want to be associated with and known for within the circle of people who are aware that you ghosted someone else. Ghosting someone else can damage your own reputation among friends and even hurt your chances of dating someone new in the future if they find out what you did to the last person you dated. If you don’t want people to think of you as a disrespectful and unkind person as a whole, don’t show them that you are by ghosting someone.

Would you Act Similarly in the Workplace?

Ghosting is extremely unprofessional. While you might argue that dating isn’t about professionalism, dating and ghosting can be strongly paralleled to life in the workforce. If you demonstrated interest in a job and even showed up for a preliminary interview with the manager of the company, would you fail to call that manager back if he called you to request a second interview? Your answer to that question is most-likely no. Even if you found an alternative position and were no longer interested in the job you originally interviewed for, you would probably have the courtesy and consideration to let that company know that you no longer wanted to take the position they offered you. This obvious common courtesy that you would display in your professional life should apply to your personal dating life as well.

Would you Want to be Ghosted?

If you ghost someone who you are dating, you cannot expect respect from them or from anyone you date in the future. Before you ghost someone, think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed. Ghosting can have severe consequences on one’s self-esteem and the perspective they have on their future relationships. Although ghosting might seem to you like a quick and simple way to get out of an uncomfortable break-up conversation, it is incredibly inconsiderate and rude to the person you’ve been dating. Although ghosting someone else might not have long-lasting consequences for you, it can have extremely severe negative emotional impacts on the other person. Considering how you would feel if you were ghosted can help discourage you from ghosting someone else.

Do you Care about the Other Person at All?

If you are considering ghosting the person you are dating, it is apparent that you do not want to date them anymore and that you are no longer interested in them in a romantic way. However, if you dated them in the first place, something about them interested you or caused you to care about them at one time. Regardless of whether you are still attracted to them or interested in them romantically, you probably still care about them or respect them as a person or as a friend. If so, do not ghost the person you’ve been dating. Ghosting can be incredibly emotionally destructive to the person who is ghosted. It can make them question the existence of love as a whole as well as cause them to feel sad and confused for a much longer period of time than it would have taken for them to move on with their life if you had broken up with them officially.

Do you Respect Yourself?

Ghosting is not just about respecting the other person you are dating; it’s also about respecting yourself. If you consider yourself to be in good moral standing and possess a kind and considerate inner personality, don’t let yourself down by ghosting someone else. You might not feel as though you owe it to the person you are dating to let them know that you don’t want to talk to them anymore. However, you still owe it to yourself to maintain your own good character by doing the right thing and acting in a courteous way in all of your relationships, if only to retain your sense of self-worth and prove to yourself that you are a person of substance.

demise

Weak Men & Indecisive Women- The Demise of Modern Dating

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Weak Men & Indecisive Women- The Demise of Modern Dating

written by: Jacklin K/Scenergy Dating Blog Contributor

One word sums up modern dating…PATHETIC. Men have become weak and lazy yet women have become increasingly indecisive on what they want or expect from dating. Women have made men so comfortable that they think they can get away with almost anything, this I believe has led to the demise of modern dating.

Women no longer know what they want, some of you might think I’m crazy but hey it’s true – just stay with me here. A woman will tell you the qualities she wants in a man and swears that she will only end up with one who meets her standards. But, when you look at the guy she ends up with, he doesn’t even have any of the qualities she wanted in a man in the first place. In fact, most women don’t have clear standards. They are optimistic that every guy they meet has an outstanding quality yet pessimistic when they are missing just one off their mental checklist.

When you ask a woman what she wants in a guy, her answer will vary depending on her age group. A woman in her early twenties will most likely say she wants a guy with tons of money, dashing looks, and treats her nice. In essence, she is telling you the qualities she feels will give her the best experience. But as she grows older, she starts to realize that some of the qualities she thought were important in her early twenties hold little or no significance.

Something you often hear is how a woman might think she wants a man who is taller than her because height equates to masculinity and protection. But one woman’s experience of dating a shorter than standard gentleman can change her mentality. She goes out on a first date with a guy who is shorter than her by let’s say an inch or two. When he kissed her, he held her confidently, kissed her deeply and left her feeling wanted. She had never had that experience before with taller guys she’s dated in the past. Suddenly she realizes that she no longer needed to equate height with masculinity; she needed a man who made her feel feminine and sexy.  This is not only a great experience, but also the seeds that add confusion for the woman hell-bent on a taller guy.

Men have also forgotten the courage it takes to approach women because women have either taken up that role or are no longer approachable. While pickup lines seemed frowned upon years ago, nowadays it would be nice to have some creativity mixed with confidence.  The new generation of average men are using lazy lines such as “hmu” (hit me up) or “dtf?” (down to f’).  If the dating scene would have invented “Blockbuster & Chill” twenty years ago it would of least included popcorn, Twizzlers, and the thrill of knowing you grabbed the last VHS cassette.  Meanwhile since it seems some women nowadays are not sure what they want in the dating and relationship world, it may cause men to no longer see the value in the pickup.

Speaking of conversation, making phone calls has become a dying art. Nowadays communication will happen through text, which is the most detached impersonal form of communication. We are actually in an era where your phone ringing becomes a stress inducing exercise where you wait for the voicemail and either get to it or don’t get to it later.  If we leap into our time machine again we remember an era void of GPS, voicemail, caller ID, and text message where phones were answered more.

Women assume everyone who approaches them is a creep but this depends on how attractive they are – unfortunately (or fortunately) a man’s actions will be considered romantic in direct parallel to their looks. But looks aside happy hour now consists of an army of women with their phones at eye level uncontrollably texting, all the while men are sitting back gauging who even seems approachable. Even if a guy approaches a lady with the best of intentions, he would feel like he is literally competing and interrupting her Twitter, Facebook, text messaging, and Instagram page for hot firemen.  Is this a sign that men lack courage nowadays or single women have no idea what their intention is at happy hour anymore?

Also women don’t want to be labeled as sluts but are yet fearful of commitment. They will remain in a label free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. “We are just talking” is a phrase women have gotten used to which technically is a method men use to keep the door open for cheating. This way it wouldn’t really be cheating if he sleeps around because you weren’t really together. The idea of putting a label on a relationship seems like a stress builder, maybe this new era is evolving into a grey area due to our love with options.

Nowadays, it’s okay for a guy to not make plans in advance. They have options and up-to-the-minute update of their friends’ whereabouts and spending time with their women is not a priority; they only become a priority when there is no one to hang out with. Women have made this okay and even expecting that they will be stood up or causing the last minute cancellation themselves.

Men have been feeling like they are nothing but clowns to the modern woman, the independent woman has made it clear that she doesn’t need a man to survive. Ask a woman today if she needs a man and she will tell you “I don’t know” or the ever famous, “I’ve never needed a man.”  Very few will answer with conviction that they need a man in their life.  Singles argue that in this so called modern era we’ve been brainwashed into believing that the key to happiness is self-empowerment by becoming a corporate wage slave and sleeping around when convenient.

 

It has become increasingly difficult to dispute the notion that a woman who believes she doesn’t need a man won’t make a good girlfriend or wife as the one who is purposeful when it comes to looking for one. She will only treat you as a distraction to her more important career and friends’ night out. The only hope men have is to have sex with her as many times as possible until her attraction fizzles out and she moves on to the next guy. This is why men only want to hook up so if a woman is seeking more than sex, he won’t tell her he is the wrong person for her. At least, not until after they have a quick romp in between the sheets. Honesty isn’t mandatory anyway and often not celebrated in these current times.

Men also feel like they shouldn’t be spending money on dates. Women strive for equality so why not strive for it in the dating world too? Why should there be a double standard when it comes to dating? Most of them also don’t make classic romantic gestures like sending flowers or cards as everything is communicated in the digital space now. The most romantic expression some guys make nowadays is making their women “Facebook Official”, random thought but did Myspace have that option in its heyday? But we all know how easy it is to delete a picture or crop someone out when things go south – evidence of a break up for your social media world to witness.

Do you think women are to blame for the demise of modern dating? Are they enabling men’s bad behavior and lack of effort when it comes to dating? Or do men really need to step up, stop complaining and start courting women again like traditional men did?

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A Gazillion Of Fitness Selfies – Does It Work For or Against You?

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David Sharpe/Scenergy Dating Contributor

January 16, 2016

A Gazillion Of Fitness Selfies – Does It Work For or Against You?

 

It’s 2016, and we’re no doubt neck-deep in the culture of social media. With popular platforms such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram teaming with hundreds of millions of active subscribers, it doesn’t come as a surprise that nowadays people live, eat, work and dress for their social media image. The obsession has grown and spread tentative roots in the deepest recesses of humanity to the extent that nowadays we consciously and sub-consciously invest a lot of time and money in our social media presence. Heck, some of even workout solely and specifically to carve out those photogenic rock-hard abs that look good through Instagram filters.

Speaking of which, fitness selfies are the next hottest thing on most photography-based social media platforms just right after #duckface and #goofy selfies. Log on to Instagram any minute of the day and you’re likely to be bombarded by a multitude of otherwise gorgeous men and women clutching their iPhones in fluorescent-lit gym rooms parading their hard-earned and sculpted muscles in exchange for likes and a few ( a bit exaggerated ) gushing comments. And if you’re ‘lucky’ or ‘attractive’ enough to have a steady social media following, your pics will be ‘shared’ far and wide across all the four corners of the Facebook universe. Interesting it is, but such is life as the first quarter of the 21st Century slowly ebbs away.

But if you choose to look keenly at it, you can unearth a few interesting observation/explanations behind this rising trend. For starters, it seems as if the age-old battle of the sexes has taken a new front. Since time immemorial, men -and the male species at large – have had to fight it out among themselves to win or increase their chances of winning the few receptive females in any population. Nowadays, men no longer to converge at the village squares to wrestle for the fairest beauty in town. Rather, the battle for supremacy and male dominance has taken to social media, more specifically Instagram and Facebook. And what’s a better way of outshining your peers than by painting a glossy picture of a healthy, athletic and virile man. It’s all about social currency. The more you have it, the better your ego is massaged.

The script doesn’t read when it comes to fairer sex. Nowadays curves and flat tummies are endowed as much as they are worshipped. More and more women are recognizing the social benefit of hitting the gym and heading straight to the dumbbells and squats section and not just whirling time away on the treadmill. And what do they do just before hitting the gym showers? Take a selfie when all sweaty and ‘worked out’. Most of this end up garnering a ton of ‘likes’ from keen admirers and stalkers alike.

Well, as much as this #fitnessSelfie thing has encouraged a couple of average movers to up their weight-training game ( because let’s face it, very few people will go to the gym and not carry their Instagram handles with them ), it has its own unique set of pros and cons; particularly when it comes to dating.

For starters, here are are a couple of stinging jabs for the guys;

1. The Average Woman Considers a ‘Too Athletic’ Build a Relationship Deal breaker.

While it’s attractive to physically fit – in fact, nothing turns a woman on like a well-chiseled physique – the average woman cringes and retracts back to her shell at the sight of a very sinewy muscled man. If anything, according to a recent study [http://psp.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/10/07/0146167215609064.full ] a staggering 70% of American women between 24 and 32 found consider ‘too athletic’ men as less attractive and appealing than their average build counterparts.

In other words, this implies that as much as women are impressed by a guy who regularly works out to maintain a clean, gluten-free frame, overdoing it works more against you than for you. So, gentlemen, your gym selfies are great, but you don’t need to empty your whole gallery on Instagram just make a point. Just like anything else in life, moderation is the spice that makes it worthwhile.

On the other hand, the story is the exact opposite when it comes to women. Men being visual creatures will appreciate a well-trimmed posterior any time of the day whether it is taken in the gym, in the shower or outdoors. Nonetheless, while a battalion of high-res fitness selfies could attract an array of admirers, who’s to say that it will hold their attention forever?

2. A Gazillion of Fitness Selfies Without Any Meaningful Context Paints You as a Self-Indulgent, Shallow Man

Yes, it might not be a no-brainer, but there’s really no denying that nothing puts off women like a guy who’s so obsessed with his physical looks, gym selfies aside. So you know you’ll have a problem attracting ladies if a good chunk of your photos features a shirtless you especially without any meaningful/inspiring captions to accompany them. [ http://www.techinsider.io/why-women-dont-like-gym-selfies-in-online-dating-2015-10 ]

3.Over-editing Your Gym Selfies Flags Narcissism and Self-Objectification

Your gym selfies might be cute, ( whether you’re a guy or lady ) but if you go ahead to make such a big deal out of them by heavily editing and applying shades of filters on them, you’re likely to come out more like a hopeless narcissist ( one who values their looks more than anything else ) than a confident man or woman in their own skin.

This observation is based on a 2014 research [http://mic.com/articles/107922/guys-with-selfies-on-their-online-dating-profiles-really-are-the-worst-science-confirms#.nh3c0VP9s ] that unearthed that men who post numerous selfies ( not necessarily gym ones ) were three times as likely to suffer from extreme psychopathy and narcissism than those who had none. And sadly, this type of high self-regard stinks more than it appeals. Hey, it’s a competitive world and anything that implies self-imposed pride doesn’t really augur well with most people.

Final Thoughts

While fitness selfies might bump up your chances of winning over that crush you’ve been trying to inbox on Facebook or Twitter, the hard truth is that the prospect of a meaningful relationship typically extends more a couple of 4 Mega Pixel shots. In any case, you well-trimmed body might be one of the qualities that he/she finds attractive in you, but a few years down the line, your gym photos will matter less than your ability to keep the romance burning.

The bottom line? Do it for fun, but don’t bank solely on it to keep a serious relationship going.

Online Dating vs Traditional Dating

In the right hand corner, pound for pound, the dating heavyweight champion of the world—- Traditional Dating! In the left hand corner, the up and coming, looking to become champion, online dating! HA! Not even close, but it gives you a vision none the less. Online dating vs traditional dating, what’s better? What’s easier? Which is best for me? Let’s get to the cold heart facts and truths about each.

First, while technology is certainly a thriving force for online dating, traditional dating has took advantage just as well. In fact, it allows our dating company to perform online to get men and women to meet face to face. In order to cover the pros and cons of each, I had to step back. I had to give way to the thought of possibly using online dating to find a partner. Not easy to do in my position but for the sake of this article, sure I will.

Online Dating And Dating Websites

There’s no shortage of online dating websites, they litter the internet like trolls. I know… easy on the online dating. Check. But in all seriousness, online dating is everywhere. The most sought after is online dating for millionaires. Sure, your typical gold diggers and cougar hunters prowling the database. Who wouldn’t want to marry a millionaire? CHECK PLEASE. Ok, enough with the jokes, point taken.

Online dating does have its advantages. You can meet others from the comfort of your home, from the privacy of your bedroom. Heck, there’s not much you have to go out for today anyway. You can pay the bills at home, shop from home, work from home, so who needs the world? I always felt that there’s a personality behind most that date online. In most cases, dating has been a bad experience for them. And I found out that this is a pretty big percentage.

Is it ok to date online? Sure. Do you have to be careful? Absolutely. Ever hear or watch Catfish? Wonder why it was called that? Truth be told, you do have to be careful. You have to be protective of your personal information and your heart. So for those of you that want to date online, here’s some tips;

  • Never give someone your personal information (social security card, bank cards, checking account, ect.)
  • Meet this person face to face before you get serious
  • Doesn’t hurt to Google and open Facebook.
  • Always be alert, be on your toes for anything suspicious
  • If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

 

Traditional Dating And Meeting Face To Face

No one enjoys a broken heart. No one enjoys being took advantage of or preyed upon. That is a life within online dating. I feel it’s ok to date online but it has to be brought to traditional dating. You should always meet that person face to face before getting serious. Never make any exceptions.

Now, traditional dating (in my opinion) is the way to go. For one, you can’t feel that chemistry between two people without being face to face. I didn’t meet my wife online, this was 14 years ago. Online dating was just a thought, very few websites and platforms back then. When I first met her, day one, I knew ladies and gentlemen. I knew she was the one. An incredible feeling it was, self-pride, utter joy. It was amazing.

I don’t think I would have felt that meeting her online. Scratch that, I know I wouldn’t. It was that instant chemistry, instant feeling of happiness, an emotion I hope all of you share and experience in your life. You deserve that.

Online Dating And Traditional Dating Can Work As One

This could be a serious route to take. If you meet someone online, request to meet face to face. If they refuse, I advise you to let them go. Don’t get to attached, trust me. There’s too many ways we can record one another, so there’s technology that makes connecting face to face possible. Again, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

If you’re struggling to meet the right person (the main reason singles choose online dating) consider talking to a matchmaker or date coach.

We all want to be loved and feel accepted. If you’re serious about online dating, be yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. In the end, it will always cause you trouble. Everyone is beautiful, you’re beautiful. Don’t ever forget that.