Category Archives: Relationships

fit

Top 7 Reasons To Be Fit In The Dating World

Top 7 Reasons To Be Fit In The Dating World

written by: Jay Kilith/Scenergy Dating Blog Contributor

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The 20-teens have thus far been the era of the unfit: we celebrate the Dad Bod, proudly declare ourselves to be couch potatoes, and the term ‘fat acceptance’ has turned into something resembling a civil rights movement. In today’s climate, it’s all too easy to grow content with eating massive portions of deep fried foods and opting for the escalator at every opportunity. So what if you’re winded after climbing two flights of stairs! You’re a Couch Potato! You’re physically lazy in the most endearing way. It’s the 21st century, and you have no reason to run a mile. Heck, you don’t have to compete in the Olympics to get a date.¬† It’s time to focus on being fit in the dating world.

Sure, we love to hear that it’s okay– even quirky or cute– to avoid physical activity, but we need a reality check. If improved health and a longer lifespan aren’t motivating enough for you (live hard, die young, eat Oreos!), you need to step back and have a look at all the ways that getting in shape will improve your love life. The following is a quick run-down of what you can expect from dating after you have made physical fitness a priority.

1) First, stop staring at physique competitors, grow up, and reassess your priorities.
If you struggle to carry your groceries in every day, yet you expect to develop the prodigious pectorals of Captain America by the year’s end, you’re out of your mind.

Even the most unfit of us take pleasure in watching fitness transformations. We see TV shows where people drop hundreds of pounds in a year, so we figure, “Hey, if that guy can lose half his body weight, I can become Tarzan in six months.” Wrong-o. If you’re only working out because you think you’ll have the buns of Wonder Woman in three months, you’re setting yourself up for lousy exercise plans and inevitable failure. Which brings me to…

2) Don’t focus on your appearance. Focus on your fitness.
It’s easy to get hung up on ‘improving’ your physique, but unless you plan on becoming a model, stripper, or bikini/physique competitor, you’re wasting your time. Resist the urge to use exercise only as a way to ‘look better’, because you’ll likely waste a lot of time without experiencing any real growth. Or, perhaps even worse: you’ll get the look you want, and then you’ll get comfortable and slack off.

When you pursue fitness for the sake of fitness, you’ll reap the benefits. Approach exercise with the idea of managing your stress levels, eliminating anxiety, improving your overall health, and chasing the elusive runner’s high. Fitness is a journey, not a destination. Strive to grow and improve.

3) Staying in shape shows that you are healthy and disciplined.
No one wants to date a lazy lump who is at risk of a stroke after walking uphill for five minutes. Being fit is one of the best ways to demonstrate your discipline, as well as your physical and psychological health. By working out regularly, you broadcast this message to all of your potential partners:

“I take care of myself! I make my health a priority! I have the discipline to do what needs to be done even if it isn’t easy! I don’t take shortcuts! I know how to make decisions and stick to them!”

Hot, right? Be that person.

4) You are competing for other people’s time, interest, and emotional investment, and getting fit will give you a leg up.
The dating world is one giant representation of the ice cream aisle at your local supermarket. The shelves are packed full of ice cream of every flavor, quirky name, chemical additive, and dairy milk alternative imaginable. With so many other buckets of ice cream– er, people– you have to put in quite a bit of work to prove that you deserve your potential partner’s time more than your competitors.

There are a zillion other people out there who like Netflix and modern art and get tired after walking two miles. If you really want to get their attention, be the person who likes Netflix and art and participates in triathlons. You will be vastly more interesting– and vastly more confident!

5) Sick of the same tired old bar, cafe, or coffee shop date? You have a built-in unique date idea, and it does not involve hooker heels.
If you’ve been to your local cafe on so many dates that the servers have started calling you by your first name, fitness will give you the perfect opportunity to mix things up. Instead of dragging your partner through another lousy cup of coffee, you can introduce them to your favorite form of fitness as a way to get to know them. If you’re a runner, you can take them on a leisurely trail run. If you like yoga, you can test out their sense of humor while you struggle through harder poses together. It’s fun, it’s casual, and it forbids torturous, stressful wardrobe choices. Getting sweaty together is a great icebreaker. They will remember you!

6) Make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
For most people, this isn’t too big of an issue, but if you’re prone to ‘going all in’, watch your obsession. Your fitness and nutritional plans will have an impact on your partner’s life, so it’s important to explain what your goals and expectations are from the beginning. If you’re going to follow a raw, vegan, gluten-free diet, they need to know that eating out is going to be a pain in the neck at times. If you’re going to disappear for hours on end to train for a marathon, they need to know your training schedule. Don’t expect your partner to try to squeeze their relationship into the cracks around your fitness routine.

And resist the urge to control your partner’s diet or exercise program! Your health and fitness are your own, and your partner is not obligated to participate in your activities. If it’s important enough that you expect them to accompany you for any fitness endeavor, you need to make that expressly clear. Communication is key.

And lastly…

7) Exercise is an exercise in ‘mutual motivation.’
We have long known that we are more likely to stay motivated when we have a partner in crime– we’re competitive, our partners hold us accountable, and we tend to mimic the people around us. By bringing fitness into your relationship, you will ensure that you and your partner continue to motivate each other and support one another’s growth. This has a ripple effect on your whole relationship, making for a strong, healthy, productive partnership.

Originally published on www.scenergy-dating.com.

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ATTENTION – 4 Questions to Consider Before “Ghosting”

ATTENTION SINGLES – Four Questions to Consider Before “Ghosting”

written by: Shay Lief/Scenergy Dating Blog Contributor

 

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With the advent of advanced technology, the world of modern romance is full of online dating and relationships maintained through texting, Facetime, phone calls, and social media rather than face-to-face time together. This shift in dating has opened the doors for a new method of ‘breaking up’ called ghosting. Ghosting is a term used to describe the new dating phenomenon when one of the participants in a relationship suddenly stops contacting the person they’ve been dating and refuses to respond to their calls, texts, social media messages, and other attempts the other person makes to get in touch with them. Many people practice ghosting because they believe it is easier or less traumatic than telling the person they are dating that they are not interested in seeing them anymore. However, before you ghost someone, it’s important to consider the following four questions.

Do you Care About your Reputation?

Ghosting someone you are dating can significantly impact your own personal reputation. The practice of ghosting is widely renowned as rude, disrespectful, inconsiderate, and discourteous. Before you ghost someone, think about whether those negative traits are the types of characteristics you want to be associated with and known for within the circle of people who are aware that you ghosted someone else. Ghosting someone else can damage your own reputation among friends and even hurt your chances of dating someone new in the future if they find out what you did to the last person you dated. If you don’t want people to think of you as a disrespectful and unkind person as a whole, don’t show them that you are by ghosting someone.

Would you Act Similarly in the Workplace?

Ghosting is extremely unprofessional. While you might argue that dating isn’t about professionalism, dating and ghosting can be strongly paralleled to life in the workforce. If you demonstrated interest in a job and even showed up for a preliminary interview with the manager of the company, would you fail to call that manager back if he called you to request a second interview? Your answer to that question is most-likely no. Even if you found an alternative position and were no longer interested in the job you originally interviewed for, you would probably have the courtesy and consideration to let that company know that you no longer wanted to take the position they offered you. This obvious common courtesy that you would display in your professional life should apply to your personal dating life as well.

Would you Want to be Ghosted?

If you ghost someone who you are dating, you cannot expect respect from them or from anyone you date in the future. Before you ghost someone, think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed. Ghosting can have severe consequences on one’s self-esteem and the perspective they have on their future relationships. Although ghosting might seem to you like a quick and simple way to get out of an uncomfortable break-up conversation, it is incredibly inconsiderate and rude to the person you’ve been dating. Although ghosting someone else might not have long-lasting consequences for you, it can have extremely severe negative emotional impacts on the other person. Considering how you would feel if you were ghosted can help discourage you from ghosting someone else.

Do you Care about the Other Person at All?

If you are considering ghosting the person you are dating, it is apparent that you do not want to date them anymore and that you are no longer interested in them in a romantic way. However, if you dated them in the first place, something about them interested you or caused you to care about them at one time. Regardless of whether you are still attracted to them or interested in them romantically, you probably still care about them or respect them as a person or as a friend. If so, do not ghost the person you’ve been dating. Ghosting can be incredibly emotionally destructive to the person who is ghosted. It can make them question the existence of love as a whole as well as cause them to feel sad and confused for a much longer period of time than it would have taken for them to move on with their life if you had broken up with them officially.

Do you Respect Yourself?

Ghosting is not just about respecting the other person you are dating; it’s also about respecting yourself. If you consider yourself to be in good moral standing and possess a kind and considerate inner personality, don’t let yourself down by ghosting someone else. You might not feel as though you owe it to the person you are dating to let them know that you don’t want to talk to them anymore. However, you still owe it to yourself to maintain your own good character by doing the right thing and acting in a courteous way in all of your relationships, if only to retain your sense of self-worth and prove to yourself that you are a person of substance.

magicfeeling

Have Singles Lost that “Magic Feeling”?

magicfeeling

Have Singles Lost that “Magic Feeling”?

written by: Ellen Curnow/Scenergy Dating Blog Contributor

Blondie sang, “Here come’s the 21st Century, it’s gonna be much better for a girl like me”. But was she right? Especially when it comes to the world of dating?

Single life, and the search for love, have changed dramatically since Debbie Harry pranced around the stage singing, “I want that man!” Has the magic gone out of dating? Does that first dinner feel more like a job interview? Do you still get butterflies in the stomach?

Let’s explore the face of dating in the age of Tinder, texting and Facebook.

NOW AND THEN: HAS DATING REALLY CHANGED THAT MUCH?
On the surface, the answer is YES. For anyone re-entering singledom after a few years coupled up, the scene seems to have changed dramatically. Mobile apps let you locate and chat to any singles within a mile of you. Pages of duck-faced selfies give false impressions. You know a person’s height, weight, hair color, occupation, salary and hobbies without having to engage in conversation.You can send a series of abbreviated (and essentially meaningless) texts to find out if someone’s on the same page. The magic of meeting someone at a friend’s party and building up the courage to ask them out on a date is gone. Romance appears to be dead.

But, underneath all that, dating today is still the same as it was 20 or 30 years ago. You’re still looking for someone to connect with. For that magic spark. You still want to fall in love.

TOO MANY OPTIONS?
Does this scenario sound familiar? You’ve had an unsuccessful date. For whatever reason there was just no spark. Before you even make it to the car park, you’re texting the next option or scrolling Tinder to see who’s new.

In days gone by, it was actually quite hard to meet people, now it seems there are too many options. There’s a danger in this: you’re always wondering if the other people you’re chatting with are a better option than the one sitting in front of you. You can’t remember what you said to whom. The temptation to “keep your options open” ruins any chance of making a meaningful connection.

Don’t be overwhelmed by the plethora of choice that technology seems to offer you. And remember to be a decent human being. Take it slow. Date one person at a time. This is supposed to be fun!

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY (AND THE ONE YOU JUST CAN’T SHAKE!):
Dating is fraught with disappointment. You meet someone and think they might just be the one. Unfortunately, they don’t feel the same about you. This might happen more often these days because the world of dating is much faster and because there are more options, but it’s pretty much always been that way. It’s all part of the adventure. Embrace it.

Or, there’s the opposite scenario:
So you’ve been on a couple of dates and you realize you’re not really into this person. In the past, you might have told them so and parted ways. Now, you’re Facebook friends, they’ve got your cell phone number and can reach you wherever you are, they can see when you’re on Tinder. In the world of technological dating, it can be really hard to shake that unsuccessful date.

Just a side note: if you can’t resist the temptation to text, call or Facebook stalk the “one that got away”, then YOU’RE the one that THEY just can’t shake.

Do yourself a favor: delete that number!

WHAT HAPPENED TO MYSTERY?
Okay, I’m not such a prude as to suggest you have to wait for marriage before you do the deed.
But… isn’t there something to be said for a little mystery?

With modern technology it’s likely that, before you’ve even met, you’ve already seen more of each other than couples of the past would have glimpsed before their wedding night!

If dating in the 21st century really has lost it’s magic then this has to be one of the biggest reasons why. That magic, that feeling of butterflies in the stomach came out of the mystery and anticipation of getting to know the other person. Don’t let go of that too quickly, there’s no rush.

HAVE ROMANTIC MOVIES RUINED US FOR DATING?
Boy meets girl. A series of comical misunderstandings. An eventual declaration of everlasting love. And finally, wedding bells.

We’re practically fed this crap with our Mothers’ milk. From old fashioned fairy tales like Cinderella, to Disney classics like Beauty and the Beast, to Jane Austen, to romantic comedies on Netflix. We’re raised with the ideals of “one true love” and “happily ever after”. But do these books and movies set us up with unrealistic expectations and the certainty of disappointment? Particularly on the modern dating scene?

If you’re going on a date wondering what song you’ll have at your wedding or what to name your children, you’re doing it wrong. If you’ve got a Tinder or internet dating profile that goes something like, “My ideal partner is tall, good looking, healthy, wealthy, fit, organized, motivated, relaxed, funny…etc, etc, etc,” you’re also doing it wrong. And here’s why: you’re looking for some sort of movie star ideal and not a real person. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

While you were waiting to meet your one true love and for your life to magically transform into some sort of Disney movie, you missed out on getting to know (and maybe to love?) a real person. Drop the cookie cutter ideal and be genuine and open: see your date as a unique individual.

SUMMARY: DATING IN THE 21ST CENTURY – LET’S NOT LOSE THE MAGIC!
So, to finish off, I’d like to propose 5 simple rules for keeping the magic alive on the single scene in 2016.

1. Date one person at a time: be yourself, get to know them and enjoy their company (preferably in person and not through text). Don’t expect Prince (or Princess!) Charming and a ride off into the sunset. But don’t write people off at first glance either. We all have hidden depths.
2. Chivalry is not dead: you can be a lot more creative and romantic than Netflix and the sofa!
3. Get to know the person BEFORE you jump in the sack! Keep the mystery alive!
4. Suggestive (or downright nude!) photos are never a good idea when you’re looking for love.
5. Do not “Drink and Dial”. If you’re heading out on the town, write all potential soulmate’s numbers down in a notebook, hide it and delete their digits from your phone. There’s nothing worse than a sloppy declaration of love at 2 am. Not to mention the horror of waking up to find you booty called the wrong person.

Don’t give up hope. Single life needn’t be a technological and emotional minefield. Romantic love is just as possible as it was in any other generation . Boy can still meet girl. All you need to do is keep it real.

selfies

A Gazillion Of Fitness Selfies – Does It Work For or Against You?

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David Sharpe/Scenergy Dating Contributor

January 16, 2016

A Gazillion Of Fitness Selfies – Does It Work For or Against You?

 

It’s 2016, and we’re no doubt neck-deep in the culture of social media. With popular platforms such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram teaming with hundreds of millions of active subscribers, it doesn’t come as a surprise that nowadays people live, eat, work and dress for their social media image. The obsession has grown and spread tentative roots in the deepest recesses of humanity to the extent that nowadays we consciously and sub-consciously invest a lot of time and money in our social media presence. Heck, some of even workout solely and specifically to carve out those photogenic rock-hard abs that look good through Instagram filters.

Speaking of which, fitness selfies are the next hottest thing on most photography-based social media platforms just right after #duckface and #goofy selfies. Log on to Instagram any minute of the day and you’re likely to be bombarded by a multitude of otherwise gorgeous men and women clutching their iPhones in fluorescent-lit gym rooms parading their hard-earned and sculpted muscles in exchange for likes and a few ( a bit exaggerated ) gushing comments. And if you’re ‘lucky’ or ‘attractive’ enough to have a steady social media following, your pics will be ‘shared’ far and wide across all the four corners of the Facebook universe. Interesting it is, but such is life as the first quarter of the 21st Century slowly ebbs away.

But if you choose to look keenly at it, you can unearth a few interesting observation/explanations behind this rising trend. For starters, it seems as if the age-old battle of the sexes has taken a new front. Since time immemorial, men -and the male species at large – have had to fight it out among themselves to win or increase their chances of winning the few receptive females in any population. Nowadays, men no longer to converge at the village squares to wrestle for the fairest beauty in town. Rather, the battle for supremacy and male dominance has taken to social media, more specifically Instagram and Facebook. And what’s a better way of outshining your peers than by painting a glossy picture of a healthy, athletic and virile man. It’s all about social currency. The more you have it, the better your ego is massaged.

The script doesn’t read when it comes to fairer sex. Nowadays curves and flat tummies are endowed as much as they are worshipped. More and more women are recognizing the social benefit of hitting the gym and heading straight to the dumbbells and squats section and not just whirling time away on the treadmill. And what do they do just before hitting the gym showers? Take a selfie when all sweaty and ‘worked out’. Most of this end up garnering a ton of ‘likes’ from keen admirers and stalkers alike.

Well, as much as this #fitnessSelfie thing has encouraged a couple of average movers to up their weight-training game ( because let’s face it, very few people will go to the gym and not carry their Instagram handles with them ), it has its own unique set of pros and cons; particularly when it comes to dating.

For starters, here are are a couple of stinging jabs for the guys;

1. The Average Woman Considers a ‘Too Athletic’ Build a Relationship Deal breaker.

While it’s attractive to physically fit – in fact, nothing turns a woman on like a well-chiseled physique – the average woman cringes and retracts back to her shell at the sight of a very sinewy muscled man. If anything, according to a recent study¬†[http://psp.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/10/07/0146167215609064.full ] a staggering 70% of American women between 24 and 32 found consider ‘too athletic’ men as less attractive and appealing than their average build counterparts.

In other words, this implies that as much as women are impressed by a guy who regularly works out to maintain a clean, gluten-free frame, overdoing it works more against you than for you. So, gentlemen, your gym selfies are great, but you don’t need to empty your whole gallery on Instagram just make a point. Just like anything else in life, moderation is the spice that makes it worthwhile.

On the other hand, the story is the exact opposite when it comes to women. Men being visual creatures will appreciate a well-trimmed posterior any time of the day whether it is taken in the gym, in the shower or outdoors. Nonetheless, while a battalion of high-res fitness selfies could attract an array of admirers, who’s to say that it will hold their attention forever?

2. A Gazillion of Fitness Selfies Without Any Meaningful Context Paints You as a Self-Indulgent, Shallow Man

Yes, it might not be a no-brainer, but there’s really no denying that nothing puts off women like a guy who’s so obsessed with his physical looks, gym selfies aside. So you know you’ll have a problem attracting ladies if a good chunk of your photos features a shirtless you especially without any meaningful/inspiring captions to accompany them. [ http://www.techinsider.io/why-women-dont-like-gym-selfies-in-online-dating-2015-10 ]

3.Over-editing Your Gym Selfies Flags Narcissism and Self-Objectification

Your gym selfies might be cute, ( whether you’re a guy or lady ) but if you go ahead to make such a big deal out of them by heavily editing and applying shades of filters on them, you’re likely to come out more like a hopeless narcissist ( one who values their looks more than anything else ) than a confident man or woman in their own skin.

This observation is based on a 2014 research [http://mic.com/articles/107922/guys-with-selfies-on-their-online-dating-profiles-really-are-the-worst-science-confirms#.nh3c0VP9s ] that unearthed that men who post numerous selfies ( not necessarily gym ones ) were three times as likely to suffer from extreme psychopathy and narcissism than those who had none. And sadly, this type of high self-regard stinks more than it appeals. Hey, it’s a competitive world and anything that implies self-imposed pride doesn’t really augur well with most people.

Final Thoughts

While fitness selfies might bump up your chances of winning over that crush you’ve been trying to inbox on Facebook or Twitter, the hard truth is that the prospect of a meaningful relationship typically extends more a couple of 4 Mega Pixel shots. In any case, you well-trimmed body might be one of the qualities that he/she finds attractive in you, but a few years down the line, your gym photos will matter less than your ability to keep the romance burning.

The bottom line? Do it for fun, but don’t bank solely on it to keep a serious relationship going.

Why Are Men And Women So Different?

I can’t recall how many times I’ve heard this question, “Why are men and women so different?” Women want to know how men think, men want to know how women think. We’ve all heard about Women being from Venus and Men from Mars. How does that speak to you? The takeaway? Men and women are complete opposites.

When trying to figure out why men and women are different, we have to take an outside approach, meaning looking at the good and bad in both. Myths would be that women are lovers and men are fighters, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure, some women are lovers, some men fighters, but everyone is unique. We can’t class majorities.

Think about sex if you will. We’re told as a society that men think with two heads, but rarely used the head between his shoulders. We’re told that men do all the cheating, but studies show that both sexes equally cheat. As a society, we’re taught to believe one way or the other. These big dating myths cloud our decision making. Men and women are different because we were programmed that way from day one. We were also designed to survive, so men were given the art of the pursuit.

At Scenergy Dating, we do provide elite matchmaking services. What do most men and women want? Someone who shares the same likes and dislikes. Someone that shares the same interest, same hobbies, same passions. While men and women are programmed differently, there’s a lot we all have in common. And who doesn’t want to find that special someone that shares your deepest passions in life. It’s not uncommon to want that, so bottom line, men and women do share interest.

The keys to any successful relationship is communication, trust, understanding and patience. It doesn’t matter if you’re a male or female, these keys are needed for both sexes. Communication in a relationship is vital, trust between partners is equally important. Understanding and patience play a big role in relationships also. So it’s often these qualities we seek in the opposite sex.

The more we differ, the more we realize that while both sexes are programmed differently, we’re also alike in many ways. Everyone is unique, everyone has something to offer in a relationship. For those of you seeking love, be sure to remain open and don’t judge a book by its cover. Get to know others for what’s inside. Sure, we all need physical attraction, but there’s a truth about that soul that is rewarding and remarkable when you find it in another.

Healthy Relationships – 6 Keys To The Best Relationship With Your Partner

2There’s one big element behind having healthy relationships, it’s called communication. Relationships take a lot of work, much of this behind the scenes, with you and your partner one on one. We all should strive for healthy relationships in our life and communication is the key to making it work. Let’s take a look at what you can do to communicate better with your partner.

  • Make an effort to communicate – Many relationships fall apart solely because of bad communication among partners. Rather than fighting or giving the silent treatment, make the effort to talk to one another. In fact, one healthy exercise to have with your partner is open mic night. Every night, take 20 minutes to talk about your day, talk about your relationship or other things that may be bothering you. If your partner really loves you, they will listen and communicate their problems back also. Trust me, it helps.
  • Keep your cool – There’s an old say that says it takes 11 great things to erase saying one bad thing to your partner. Words cut like a knife and we all say things we shouldn’t in the heat of the moment. It’s important for all of us to keep our cool and let the situation die. Remember this the next time you argue with your partner, say nothing back and walk away.
  • Speak your peace – I hear about so many unhealthy relationships falling apart because two people don’t get along. When I dig into the reasoning, I often find that neither partner took the time to explain what was bothering them. No matter how long you’ve been with someone, they can’t read your mind. Perhaps to an extent but if you’re not open to how you feel, how do you expect your partner to understand?
  • Respect one another – If you honestly care about someone, you should want to respect them. But respect isn’t a one-way street, it has to work both ways. Your partner’s wants and needs have value, it’s important to them and should be important to you. If you make a genuine effort to respect that, your relationship is going to benefit. This is an important part of healthy relationships and growing together.
  • Always support your partner – Support is another key element in a great relationship. When you love someone, support becomes second nature. But in a trying relationship, supporting one another can be tough. Again, we go back to opening the lines of communication. Don’t make your partner guess when you need support, communicate with them and let them know exactly how you feel.
  • Trust and honesty – The key foundation to any relationship is trust and honesty. These two are the building blocks of all successful relationships. Be honest about how you feel, be truthful to your partner and open. Truth goes a long way in any relationship and it’s a quality that can’t be matched.

 Healthy Relationships Need All These Qualities

Relationships are never easy, most don’t comprehend the amount of effort that goes into making a relationship successful. But it’s no secret that couples and partner that communicate often last through the years. One of the main reasons why men and women choose our matchmaking services is because their last relationships didn’t have all of the 6 factors above. But once we are educated about the importance of communication, trust, respect in the relationship, it opens our eyes to see how we actually behave in our relationships.