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If you have ever received simple 1-2 word responses to your in depth online conversations, then this video blog is for you. The “hi”, “hellos”, and “what’s up” are no longer enough to grab someone’s attention online. It is important to note that the video above applies to both men and women, yet men are normally the initiators.
Have you ever encountered a “LOL girl” or guy and how did you respond to them?
Top 5 Reasons Dating is Like Fitness
by: Chris Feliciano
Published: March 30, 2015
- Cheat Meals/Wrong People – The cravings start creeping up after two weeks of heavy dieting and working out. It’s the same feeling of you being celibate for the past few months in inner-protest for chasing the wrong people, but you want a “cheat meal.” Suddenly you’re binging down Margaritas after not having any sugar or alcohol for a few weeks and you conclude the night with an uneducated yet fun member of the opposite sex. Just like food you tried to fight it off with a bit of self-discipline inevitably had your dating version of pizza. You’re only cheating yourself with that “meal” be it fitness or dating.
- Changes Take Time – If you’re working on burning the rest of the fat in time for summer – it takes time. You must understand that your body takes time to evolve into a six pack, bicep bulging, and toned selfie taking machine. Those same changes also affect the dating world as you realize your current state of being and where you want to be when it comes to being socially prepared to date the quality you seek. There is a theory of “overload and adapt” in the fitness world, which in dating means a newly single person should slowly but surely get back into the scene until they are comfortable with it. Once they are comfortable with themselves, they can challenge themselves to new heights by attending singles events or going after some quality admirers. Doing it the wrong way compares to jumping into a fitness contest with only a few weeks of training, again take your time.
…and now time for an interlude
- Lifting/Dating Too Heavy – Swiping on your Tinder app for hours or going on endless nights binging at the local Happy Hour is comparable to grabbing the wrong weight at the gym or running more miles than you should. You may hurt yourself and it will end up making you take time off, time off from the gym or dating leads to missed opportunities. I often discuss what I call with clients a condition I call “dating fatigue” for those that are fed up and take a hiatus due too being burned out of the endless dates and apps they have to react to.
- Sex Driven – Nowadays dating is so much like a workout in that similar brain chemicals are released. Some treat it like a chore to put on clothes and meet someone for dinner, as they are about getting into gym clothes for a quick workout. The payoff of making the effort to workout or on a date include the release of serotonin, testosterone, dopamine, and other excitement chemicals which can lead to libido. It’s a similar effect to two people “hitting it off” and having dating chemistry which in turn can lead to libido. There’s no wonder you see so many half clothed gym selfies with hashtags such as #teamripped #summerbodiesmadeinwinter. Fitness and dating is the mastery of sex transmutation (if you’ve read enough Napoleon Hill you’ll know this last reference).
- Journey Not Destination – How many couples have you seen let themselves go after they’ve established that they’re in a relationship and/or married? It’s the same concept as couples who no longer date and are relegated to Netflix marathons on the couch and walking the dog. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you end the dating process, continue to excite your relationship with different activities and interests. Just because you’ve reached your target weight doesn’t mean you stop working out, you continue to challenge your body and go beyond the horizon. It’s great for your body’s as well as your relationship’s health!
I’d love to hear below on other reasons 6, 7, and 8 on how dating is related to fitness. Alternatively, comment with ways you see dating as NOT related to fitness. I hope you continue to make “gains” in the dating world, no supplements needed.
Why Good Men Have Stopped Chasing
by: Chris Feliciano
Published: February 27, 2015
Let’s face it – we live in a society that thrives on attention. Whether it’s the three breasted woman, outrageous reality TV shows, and narcissistic selfies – we yearn for our viral 15 minutes of fame. Because of the age we now live in, don’t expect the thrill of the chase in the dating world to go away. It is a practice that requires attention to either be given, received, or a bit of both. What has gone away, or I should say better defined is who’s still chasing the most. The methods and pickup lines remain the same, but the quality of men that approach a woman is being redefined. Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you know that men have traditionally initiated the chase. Since the times of knights and virgin princesses, it has been the man seeking approval of his fair maiden and not the other way around.
While women are becoming much more independent and are at times exceeding the salary of their male counterparts, good men are becoming independent in their own way. They are beginning to take notice that women treat them as the fourth victim after women have suffered through three bad chases. So what’s the bad chase? It’s that moment when the woman first meets what she thinks is a gentleman and the initial butterflies and sexual tension is developed. After a few dates, she mistakenly takes the wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing as THE guy and may satisfy his needs too quickly. The bad guy has reached his goal and without consideration he starts his moonwalk and back to being a Smooth Criminal to look for his next victim. What ironically happens next defies all logic but if dating were simple logic we’d all be taken…
The woman is now frustrated with men and feels she betrayed her own beliefs and restraints. For some they return to a selfie with the caption of “I am worthy #teamsingle”, increase their yoga sessions, or down sangria faster than a thirsty vampire at a blood donation center. In all seriousness this phase can have damaging effects on a woman’s perception on dating and men altogether. This drug of chase, excitement, let down, heal, and doing it all over again seems absurd. You know the old cliché about insanity as doing something over and over and expecting a different result – but hey it’s exciting.
Meanwhile the good guy is smarter than you know. He understands that no matter what the resume looks like on the woman he’s interested in, he can quickly pick up on signs that a woman enjoys being chased. He has evolved from the hunter mindlessly chasing for the kill, to the farmer that carefully plucks the good crops from the bad ones. A man of that caliber has no time for trivial games. He seeks a woman who truly has snapped from the cycle and is truly independent – emotionally, financially, and in other ways. A good guy is not to be confused for a boring guy. These men are capable of being just as exciting as those that thrive on the chase, but are offer an even deeper connection. What makes it difficult is that in an age of combo meals, Netflix, and Amazon dating is sometimes treated as a drive thru order – come and go as you please.
Patience is the best advice for all involved. For women that enjoy the thrill of the chase, wait out for a good guy without overly restraining who you really are. For the bad guys who have the potential to be good men, take some time to treat her as a person to discover and not manipulate. For the good men that can identify when a woman is chase addicted, communicate your concerns in an honest and respectful way. Next time that someone says “Where’s all the good ones at”, make sure you’re not the cause for attracting or creating the wrong ones.
So what do you think ladies, do more of the wrong type of men or right ones come chasing? Men, do ladies assume you’re just like all of them when in reality you have plenty to offer? We’d love to read your thoughts and opinions.
My next blog will be about bad boys and the women that love them. If you have stories or viewpoints that we can use for our next blog or any upcoming articles please feel free to reach out to me. I also take pride in my efforts to build a better singles community, if you’re interested in private date coaching I’d be happy to help. Just contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we can schedule a no-obligation appointment so I can tell you more about our services.
Watch our very own Date Doctor discuss the difference between telling a story with your online dating photos and a simple selfie.