Tag Archives: selfies

fit

Top 7 Reasons To Be Fit In The Dating World

Top 7 Reasons To Be Fit In The Dating World

written by: Jay Kilith/Scenergy Dating Blog Contributor

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The 20-teens have thus far been the era of the unfit: we celebrate the Dad Bod, proudly declare ourselves to be couch potatoes, and the term ‘fat acceptance’ has turned into something resembling a civil rights movement. In today’s climate, it’s all too easy to grow content with eating massive portions of deep fried foods and opting for the escalator at every opportunity. So what if you’re winded after climbing two flights of stairs! You’re a Couch Potato! You’re physically lazy in the most endearing way. It’s the 21st century, and you have no reason to run a mile. Heck, you don’t have to compete in the Olympics to get a date.  It’s time to focus on being fit in the dating world.

Sure, we love to hear that it’s okay– even quirky or cute– to avoid physical activity, but we need a reality check. If improved health and a longer lifespan aren’t motivating enough for you (live hard, die young, eat Oreos!), you need to step back and have a look at all the ways that getting in shape will improve your love life. The following is a quick run-down of what you can expect from dating after you have made physical fitness a priority.

1) First, stop staring at physique competitors, grow up, and reassess your priorities.
If you struggle to carry your groceries in every day, yet you expect to develop the prodigious pectorals of Captain America by the year’s end, you’re out of your mind.

Even the most unfit of us take pleasure in watching fitness transformations. We see TV shows where people drop hundreds of pounds in a year, so we figure, “Hey, if that guy can lose half his body weight, I can become Tarzan in six months.” Wrong-o. If you’re only working out because you think you’ll have the buns of Wonder Woman in three months, you’re setting yourself up for lousy exercise plans and inevitable failure. Which brings me to…

2) Don’t focus on your appearance. Focus on your fitness.
It’s easy to get hung up on ‘improving’ your physique, but unless you plan on becoming a model, stripper, or bikini/physique competitor, you’re wasting your time. Resist the urge to use exercise only as a way to ‘look better’, because you’ll likely waste a lot of time without experiencing any real growth. Or, perhaps even worse: you’ll get the look you want, and then you’ll get comfortable and slack off.

When you pursue fitness for the sake of fitness, you’ll reap the benefits. Approach exercise with the idea of managing your stress levels, eliminating anxiety, improving your overall health, and chasing the elusive runner’s high. Fitness is a journey, not a destination. Strive to grow and improve.

3) Staying in shape shows that you are healthy and disciplined.
No one wants to date a lazy lump who is at risk of a stroke after walking uphill for five minutes. Being fit is one of the best ways to demonstrate your discipline, as well as your physical and psychological health. By working out regularly, you broadcast this message to all of your potential partners:

“I take care of myself! I make my health a priority! I have the discipline to do what needs to be done even if it isn’t easy! I don’t take shortcuts! I know how to make decisions and stick to them!”

Hot, right? Be that person.

4) You are competing for other people’s time, interest, and emotional investment, and getting fit will give you a leg up.
The dating world is one giant representation of the ice cream aisle at your local supermarket. The shelves are packed full of ice cream of every flavor, quirky name, chemical additive, and dairy milk alternative imaginable. With so many other buckets of ice cream– er, people– you have to put in quite a bit of work to prove that you deserve your potential partner’s time more than your competitors.

There are a zillion other people out there who like Netflix and modern art and get tired after walking two miles. If you really want to get their attention, be the person who likes Netflix and art and participates in triathlons. You will be vastly more interesting– and vastly more confident!

5) Sick of the same tired old bar, cafe, or coffee shop date? You have a built-in unique date idea, and it does not involve hooker heels.
If you’ve been to your local cafe on so many dates that the servers have started calling you by your first name, fitness will give you the perfect opportunity to mix things up. Instead of dragging your partner through another lousy cup of coffee, you can introduce them to your favorite form of fitness as a way to get to know them. If you’re a runner, you can take them on a leisurely trail run. If you like yoga, you can test out their sense of humor while you struggle through harder poses together. It’s fun, it’s casual, and it forbids torturous, stressful wardrobe choices. Getting sweaty together is a great icebreaker. They will remember you!

6) Make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
For most people, this isn’t too big of an issue, but if you’re prone to ‘going all in’, watch your obsession. Your fitness and nutritional plans will have an impact on your partner’s life, so it’s important to explain what your goals and expectations are from the beginning. If you’re going to follow a raw, vegan, gluten-free diet, they need to know that eating out is going to be a pain in the neck at times. If you’re going to disappear for hours on end to train for a marathon, they need to know your training schedule. Don’t expect your partner to try to squeeze their relationship into the cracks around your fitness routine.

And resist the urge to control your partner’s diet or exercise program! Your health and fitness are your own, and your partner is not obligated to participate in your activities. If it’s important enough that you expect them to accompany you for any fitness endeavor, you need to make that expressly clear. Communication is key.

And lastly…

7) Exercise is an exercise in ‘mutual motivation.’
We have long known that we are more likely to stay motivated when we have a partner in crime– we’re competitive, our partners hold us accountable, and we tend to mimic the people around us. By bringing fitness into your relationship, you will ensure that you and your partner continue to motivate each other and support one another’s growth. This has a ripple effect on your whole relationship, making for a strong, healthy, productive partnership.

Originally published on www.scenergy-dating.com.

selfies

A Gazillion Of Fitness Selfies – Does It Work For or Against You?

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David Sharpe/Scenergy Dating Contributor

January 16, 2016

A Gazillion Of Fitness Selfies – Does It Work For or Against You?

 

It’s 2016, and we’re no doubt neck-deep in the culture of social media. With popular platforms such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram teaming with hundreds of millions of active subscribers, it doesn’t come as a surprise that nowadays people live, eat, work and dress for their social media image. The obsession has grown and spread tentative roots in the deepest recesses of humanity to the extent that nowadays we consciously and sub-consciously invest a lot of time and money in our social media presence. Heck, some of even workout solely and specifically to carve out those photogenic rock-hard abs that look good through Instagram filters.

Speaking of which, fitness selfies are the next hottest thing on most photography-based social media platforms just right after #duckface and #goofy selfies. Log on to Instagram any minute of the day and you’re likely to be bombarded by a multitude of otherwise gorgeous men and women clutching their iPhones in fluorescent-lit gym rooms parading their hard-earned and sculpted muscles in exchange for likes and a few ( a bit exaggerated ) gushing comments. And if you’re ‘lucky’ or ‘attractive’ enough to have a steady social media following, your pics will be ‘shared’ far and wide across all the four corners of the Facebook universe. Interesting it is, but such is life as the first quarter of the 21st Century slowly ebbs away.

But if you choose to look keenly at it, you can unearth a few interesting observation/explanations behind this rising trend. For starters, it seems as if the age-old battle of the sexes has taken a new front. Since time immemorial, men -and the male species at large – have had to fight it out among themselves to win or increase their chances of winning the few receptive females in any population. Nowadays, men no longer to converge at the village squares to wrestle for the fairest beauty in town. Rather, the battle for supremacy and male dominance has taken to social media, more specifically Instagram and Facebook. And what’s a better way of outshining your peers than by painting a glossy picture of a healthy, athletic and virile man. It’s all about social currency. The more you have it, the better your ego is massaged.

The script doesn’t read when it comes to fairer sex. Nowadays curves and flat tummies are endowed as much as they are worshipped. More and more women are recognizing the social benefit of hitting the gym and heading straight to the dumbbells and squats section and not just whirling time away on the treadmill. And what do they do just before hitting the gym showers? Take a selfie when all sweaty and ‘worked out’. Most of this end up garnering a ton of ‘likes’ from keen admirers and stalkers alike.

Well, as much as this #fitnessSelfie thing has encouraged a couple of average movers to up their weight-training game ( because let’s face it, very few people will go to the gym and not carry their Instagram handles with them ), it has its own unique set of pros and cons; particularly when it comes to dating.

For starters, here are are a couple of stinging jabs for the guys;

1. The Average Woman Considers a ‘Too Athletic’ Build a Relationship Deal breaker.

While it’s attractive to physically fit – in fact, nothing turns a woman on like a well-chiseled physique – the average woman cringes and retracts back to her shell at the sight of a very sinewy muscled man. If anything, according to a recent study [http://psp.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/10/07/0146167215609064.full ] a staggering 70% of American women between 24 and 32 found consider ‘too athletic’ men as less attractive and appealing than their average build counterparts.

In other words, this implies that as much as women are impressed by a guy who regularly works out to maintain a clean, gluten-free frame, overdoing it works more against you than for you. So, gentlemen, your gym selfies are great, but you don’t need to empty your whole gallery on Instagram just make a point. Just like anything else in life, moderation is the spice that makes it worthwhile.

On the other hand, the story is the exact opposite when it comes to women. Men being visual creatures will appreciate a well-trimmed posterior any time of the day whether it is taken in the gym, in the shower or outdoors. Nonetheless, while a battalion of high-res fitness selfies could attract an array of admirers, who’s to say that it will hold their attention forever?

2. A Gazillion of Fitness Selfies Without Any Meaningful Context Paints You as a Self-Indulgent, Shallow Man

Yes, it might not be a no-brainer, but there’s really no denying that nothing puts off women like a guy who’s so obsessed with his physical looks, gym selfies aside. So you know you’ll have a problem attracting ladies if a good chunk of your photos features a shirtless you especially without any meaningful/inspiring captions to accompany them. [ http://www.techinsider.io/why-women-dont-like-gym-selfies-in-online-dating-2015-10 ]

3.Over-editing Your Gym Selfies Flags Narcissism and Self-Objectification

Your gym selfies might be cute, ( whether you’re a guy or lady ) but if you go ahead to make such a big deal out of them by heavily editing and applying shades of filters on them, you’re likely to come out more like a hopeless narcissist ( one who values their looks more than anything else ) than a confident man or woman in their own skin.

This observation is based on a 2014 research [http://mic.com/articles/107922/guys-with-selfies-on-their-online-dating-profiles-really-are-the-worst-science-confirms#.nh3c0VP9s ] that unearthed that men who post numerous selfies ( not necessarily gym ones ) were three times as likely to suffer from extreme psychopathy and narcissism than those who had none. And sadly, this type of high self-regard stinks more than it appeals. Hey, it’s a competitive world and anything that implies self-imposed pride doesn’t really augur well with most people.

Final Thoughts

While fitness selfies might bump up your chances of winning over that crush you’ve been trying to inbox on Facebook or Twitter, the hard truth is that the prospect of a meaningful relationship typically extends more a couple of 4 Mega Pixel shots. In any case, you well-trimmed body might be one of the qualities that he/she finds attractive in you, but a few years down the line, your gym photos will matter less than your ability to keep the romance burning.

The bottom line? Do it for fun, but don’t bank solely on it to keep a serious relationship going.

Couple Image

Dating in 20 Years: The Lasting Impact of Mobile Technology

Dating in 20 Years: The Lasting Impact of Mobile Technology

Anyone who’s ever played the dating game can tell you that finding the right partner will never be as simple as “Swipe Left to pass, Swipe Right to ‘like,” but the unprecedented success of the Tinder app has shown that for some people, it can be close enough. The app simplified dating in a way no other dating service ever had before: you’re given a list of users close to you – a virtual catalog, if you will – and you can try to sift through the list to find someone you’d want to date or hook up with, and hope that they feel the same way about you.

What used to be week-long waits of waiting for an online dating service to find matches for you and then communicating via messages on the website turned into a process that could potentially take all of three minutes. Of course, whether this is a good or a bad thing is still up for debate. It’s made the process that much faster and more convenient, but is that always a good thing – especially when it comes to trying to find a partner? Or are we just promoting an unhealthy relationship with our phones again?

When smartphones started becoming mainstream, surveys revealed that we had begun spending more time with our phones than with our partners, with the average smartphone user spending upwards of two hours a day just starting at their phone’s screen, and only spending 97 minutes a day with their significant other. That was two years ago, and everyone knows that the mobile industry has continued to evolve since then. We wouldn’t be surprised if we spend even more time on our phones now that they’ve virtually become the all-in-one tool for modern living.

Earlier this year, Chris Feliciano wrote about how 20 years have changed dating, discussing how our obsession with technology has made it difficult for us to connect, or meet new people in the ways we did before the internet became mainstream. Social media and mobile apps have changed the way we communicate and ask each other out, and it’s leaving a lasting impression on the dating industry.

With smartphones still being improved, there’s little doubt that they’ll stay relevant in our daily lives, and in a few years’ time, we might be completely dependent on them. How could the dating scene evolve with our smartphones? For one thing, communication pre-date and post-date will definitely continue to change. Surveys have revealed that as early as 2013, the pre-date and post-date texts had been important parts of the dating process, and many relied on this communication to see if the relationship would have a future at all.

Flirting via text messages and sexting may see a bigger role in the future as well. Earlier this year, surveys by Adam and Eve revealed that sexting is quickly becoming an important part of the dating process itself, with nearly 95% of the Americans who admit to sexting (sending sexually explicit photographs or messages via cell phone) saying they send sexual thoughts or ideas, 38% saying they send sexy selfies and 36% send explicit images, and nearly 20% saying they show their faces in their sexts. Sexting may very well turn out to be another necessary layer of post-date communication, and with the rise of apps like Tinder, sexts might be on the menu for pre-date texts as well.

And let’s admit it: mobile phones don’t just make us lazy, they make us more critical of others too. While sitting at a table on your first date, you’re likely to judge your potential partner based not just on their phone habits, but on their phones as well, and nobody could really blame you. These days, the way you handle your phone can speak a lot towards your personality, and some studies even claim a relationship between the kind of phone you have and the kind of partner you are. According to the Huffington Post, “Apparently, the device you carry speaks loudly (even when your ringer is on silent). An iPhone or Android isn’t just a tech choice, it can give dates insight into your personality and behaviors, too. The study found that Android users are the more polite eDaters–they’re more likely to pick up a date at home, pay for the first date, eat at a nice restaurant and send a post-date text.”

As we continue to rely on our mobile phones in our day-to-day lives, so too do we continue to rely on them for our dating lives, and within the next 20 years, we may see our phones becoming indispensable to the dating scene.

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“Naked Guy Pic” – 5 Observations & Random Thoughts

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Yes you might think, “Wow that is a tasteless photo” well it definitely is – and it’s very real. The photo included in this blog inspired the writings below, after it was reported by one of our own clients in Boston. For some reason, this photo became the “gentlemen’s” profile photo on a meetup.com group. I can just imagine his mindset as he stood in front of that mirror one fateful evening and proceeded to take a few photos until he decided which one was the weiner out of all of them. Then he uploads the photo on to his computer and starts to mess with some default blue Powerpoint shapes to expertly cover up his face and “Mr. Russel the Oned Eyed Muscle”.

Have us men lost our complete sanity? What has convinced us that a quality woman will magically swoon and feel chemistry based on a picture like this?

5 Observations & Random Thoughts:

1. Men are naturally the hunters which makes them much more assertive and forthright with their sexual desires. Women on the other hand desire a more emotional and invested approach, so it takes time and self-discipline.

2. A woman needs to feel that there is some sort of exclusivity or at least the feeling of before expressing themselves in a sexual manner. Though it’s never proven, it is more likely that a woman that’s much more polished compared to her counterparts will take longer to express her sexual side. The sad assumption is men assume she will be a bore when things become finally become intimate. They don’t wait around and get back to their naked selfie ways.

3. There was at least one woman that accepted and encouraged him to send that photo, he now has accepted that as the law of the land in his “dating paradigm” (I’ll discuss dating paradigm in a members only video). He may not have the patience or energy to earn a good woman by his side, thus that type of photo becomes his profile.

4. Honestly should not always be rewarded. He may think to himself, “Well at least I’m letting women know what my intentions are” is not always a justification. Men should call other men out in the name of brotherhood and women should call these type of men out just for their own self-improvement. Us humans have a way of allowing ego and distorted reality to convince us we are doing the right thing when it comes to dating – that’s where a DateDoc comes in ; )

5. A bit related to #1 and #2 but it’s hard to believe someone can bounce back and talk about metaphysics, life goals, and their interpretation of zodiac sign compatibility when they lead with a “won’t break the internet” photo. Adding a bit of caliber and respect to your repertoire will make you a more valued man.

So what are your thoughts, do women secretly enjoy these type of photos or could do without being bombarded by R rated from the get go? Men, are you guilty of sending a naked photo a bit quicker than you should have?

Heck who knows, I guess if animals could text they would send photos of them wearing clothes during mating season.

 

dogfselfie

…now my eyes don’t feel as cursed anymore!

 

Until next time,

Chris “DateDoc” Feliciano

www.scenergy-dating.com