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Why Good Men Have Stopped Chasing

Why Good Men Have Stopped Chasing

by:  Chris Feliciano

Published:  February 27, 2015


Let’s face it – we live in a society that thrives on attention. Whether it’s the three breasted woman, outrageous reality TV shows, and narcissistic selfies – we yearn for our viral 15 minutes of fame. Because of the age we now live in, don’t expect the thrill of the chase in the dating world to go away. It is a practice that requires attention to either be given, received, or a bit of both. What has gone away, or I should say better defined is who’s still chasing the most. The methods and pickup lines remain the same, but the quality of men that approach a woman is being redefined. Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you know that men have traditionally initiated the chase. Since the times of knights and virgin princesses, it has been the man seeking approval of his fair maiden and not the other way around.


While women are becoming much more independent and are at times exceeding the salary of their male counterparts, good men are becoming independent in their own way. They are beginning to take notice that women treat them as the fourth victim after women have suffered through three bad chases. So what’s the bad chase? It’s that moment when the woman first meets what she thinks is a gentleman and the initial butterflies and sexual tension is developed. After a few dates, she mistakenly takes the wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing as THE guy and may satisfy his needs too quickly. The bad guy has reached his goal and without consideration he starts his moonwalk and back to being a Smooth Criminal to look for his next victim. What ironically happens next defies all logic but if dating were simple logic we’d all be taken…




The woman is now frustrated with men and feels she betrayed her own beliefs and restraints. For some they return to a selfie with the caption of “I am worthy #teamsingle”, increase their yoga sessions, or down sangria faster than a thirsty vampire at a blood donation center. In all seriousness this phase can have damaging effects on a woman’s perception on dating and men altogether. This drug of chase, excitement, let down, heal, and doing it all over again seems absurd. You know the old cliché about insanity as doing something over and over and expecting a different result – but hey it’s exciting.


Meanwhile the good guy is smarter than you know. He understands that no matter what the resume looks like on the woman he’s interested in, he can quickly pick up on signs that a woman enjoys being chased. He has evolved from the hunter mindlessly chasing for the kill, to the farmer that carefully plucks the good crops from the bad ones. A man of that caliber has no time for trivial games. He seeks a woman who truly has snapped from the cycle and is truly independent – emotionally, financially, and in other ways. A good guy is not to be confused for a boring guy. These men are capable of being just as exciting as those that thrive on the chase, but are offer an even deeper connection. What makes it difficult is that in an age of combo meals, Netflix, and Amazon dating is sometimes treated as a drive thru order – come and go as you please.



Patience is the best advice for all involved. For women that enjoy the thrill of the chase, wait out for a good guy without overly restraining who you really are. For the bad guys who have the potential to be good men, take some time to treat her as a person to discover and not manipulate. For the good men that can identify when a woman is chase addicted, communicate your concerns in an honest and respectful way. Next time that someone says “Where’s all the good ones at”, make sure you’re not the cause for attracting or creating the wrong ones.


So what do you think ladies, do more of the wrong type of men or right ones come chasing? Men, do ladies assume you’re just like all of them when in reality you have plenty to offer? We’d love to read your thoughts and opinions.



My next blog will be about bad boys and the women that love them. If you have stories or viewpoints that we can use for our next blog or any upcoming articles please feel free to reach out to me. I also take pride in my efforts to build a better singles community, if you’re interested in private date coaching I’d be happy to help. Just contact me at and we can schedule a no-obligation appointment so I can tell you more about our services.


6 thoughts on “Why Good Men Have Stopped Chasing

  1. Siggy Buckley

    Brilliant article! Enjoyed the language . I can’t comment on your question of whether there are more right or wrong ones chasing as I’m currently not in the dating game- nor matchmaking. However, unless human nature and the male species have significantly changed – may I say evolved? – in the past 5 years, my money is on …well, nothing changed…:) Look forward to your next post! Cheers, Siggy

  2. Susan Taylor

    Sorry, the whole thing bores me after more than 30 years dating. I’m done with it, since the hunt and chase thing is short term and leads to no satisfying conclusion, and there doesn’t seem to be a way around it.

  3. leonard

    After all of these “blogs” and discussions, it still sounds like women would rather have men do the approaching because THEY do not want to deal with the risk of rejection, leaving that for men, and then ,giving ALL kinds of reasons why men SHOULD pursue, i.e. men being natural hunters, men enjoying the chase,etc.

  4. leonard

    Could never imagine asking a woman out. Can already hear the allegations of “creep” and “stalker” that we hear EVERY SINGLE DAY. If she is so interested,then she will show interest and ask me out, and I will at least know that she really wants to go out. People make this sound as if it is SO MUCH TO ASK.

  5. leonard

    Fear of being called “creep” or “stalker”, very real. Let the women ask YOU out, at least then you will know that they are interested. Isn’t this what they wanted?

  6. Jamie

    The problem isn’t men aren’t chasing, it’s men not investing in relationships of any kind. I’m not just talking about sexual relationships with women, I mean friendships with women, other men, work colleagues, with family, they aren’t nurturing a healthy social life yet expect a perfect partner to materialize out of the void and can be quite resentful when it doesn’t happen for them. They have made sexual relationships their only goal and that’s a major red flag for socially well adjusted women.

    You meet the best candidates through your social circle when not distracted by assessing people purely by what they can give you. The random guy you meet is usually the one up to no good, at the very least he’s more likely to dehumanize women and less likely to restrain any misogynistic behaviours because there is little social accountability in that setting. The “you don’t crap where you eat” factor makes meeting random women the prefered hunting ground for predatory men too.

    It’s a little vain of men to blame a womans previous partners and her choices, it ignores the harassment women endure from men apart from their partners, no one, two or three men collectively have so much power as to destroy a womans hope of meeting a great partner, if they had she wouldn’t be dating at all. Having your heart broken is the least women have to worry about, domestic violence, unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted debt, threats, harassment, damage to her reputation (which can destroy her professional life as well as her personal one). You can’t blame women for being wary of strangers they know nothing about or being rushed into situations with men they don’t know enough about. When women date they risk a lot, if men put themselves in our shoes instead of finding fault with women who won’t do things their way they would suddenly find they have a lot more sucess with women.


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